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I Have Good News And Bad News

The bad news is that my mom has to go into a care home. The good news is that she will get better medical care there than just living with family members.

It was a very hard decision for my family to make. But she's been setting things on fire in the microwave, getting stuck in the bathtub while trying to call at neighbors from the window, and calling emergency services frequently even when there were other arrangements like local keyholder and nurses in the neighborhood. She is also a stroke survivor and in her 80's.

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whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

Been through this with my own mother and my wife is a nurse specialising in aged care. Experience tells me the most important factors are the empathy of the staff where she is going, and to choose a place she can relate to, by which I mean surroundings that she feels at home in. Just because its brand new and everything push button, may not feel right for her.
Also, making the staff aware you are taking a keen interest in her welfare may pay dividends in the amount of attention she gets.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@whowasthatmaskedman These are very good comments! Empathy and feeling at home in a place are everything. How I wish I could talk to your wife! I am aging, am what some call an "elder orphan." I am on my own, no children, no close nearby relatives or anyone who can help me and on a low income. I am getting by semi-OK now in a rented room, but as I get older, and especially when I've been sick, I realize that, at some point, I will need more help. It is very hard to try to sort it all out and make decisions. In hospitals, they often treat me like I'm invisible because I have no children or family and no one to advocate for me.

MrPerditus1 · 61-69, M

This sounds like the best thing for her and your family, no matter how difficult it is. As you said, she'll be getting better medical care and your family can rest easier knowing she and you are all safe.

Mamapolo2016 · F

It is among the toughest decisions to make. I hated doing it - but she would not allow any ‘hired hands’ to help and I couldn’t stay awake 24/7.

She seemed quite contented there. But it is true it’s wise for the family to keep an eye on things. I’d suggest the family sit down together and try to make a schedule so your mom’s care is attended to and no one person has to bear all the burden. It’s better than everybody showing up together on Sunday afternoon.

purplepen · 51-55, F

@Mamapolo2016 Yes. They will take turns and I will ask them if there's anything I can do.

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