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Why is my brain filled with repetitive thoughts or scenarios that play over and over again?

Poll - Total Votes: 4
Something’s wrong
You’re fine
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[b]Warning! Long post, read at your own time[/b]

Is it a mental health issue that I’m unaware of?
I never had an x-ray or CAT scan on my brain nor did any tests to diagnose anything on me because I needed none of that since I’m fine. On the contrary,
I’ve been to the doctors as a kid to get some work done because I had an infection in my bladder. (UTI) in my urinary tract.
They told my parents probably I was anxious, shy, nervous, bored, and didn’t go out as much.
Instead of taking many vacations with my family, I only went during summer holiday (vacation/break) and winter holiday (vacation/break) sometimes spring holiday (vacation/break) and sometimes fall (autumn) holiday (vacation/break). It wasn’t during school when I went out, but when it was, it was okay to miss school/class but I haven’t been traveling to many places only to the ones that is hours away drive within the country/state. And it is strange because when I wasn’t on holiday (vacation/break), I would use the bathroom a lot during school days BEFORE Covid pandemic. It happened during my childhood years. I was very young. My parents took me to the doctors at the time because I would use the bathroom a lot and developed white / red spots on my arms. It was lack of hydration (water) and overwhelming amounts of sugar inside my body. I’m glucose intolerant for high sugar while (whilst) not being diabetic. I’m an average healthy person in some way. I had trouble making friends growing up. Sometimes I use the bathroom a lot during COVID pandemic usually at my home not in public places. I have repetitive thoughts. I overthink and use excessive details, over analyze certain details/pictures (overveiws) of something and frequently worry.
Edit: I would be a homebody (still am) and play video games or read books or draw something in my notebooks even write stories such as fiction, realisitc fiction, and nonfiction (started since 1st grade). All growing up even now.

Here are some of my mental thinkings:
- repetitive thoughts
These thoughts were commonly bad. They were saying negative things & I was thinking negatively most of the time. I thought people gave me the stink eye and hated me. I thought people weren’t supposed to talk about me. I thought I was being made fun of. I thought anyone I talk to or encounter would/will not like me as a person, friend, or something more.
Thoughts in my brain spiral out of control. They repeat themselves in simple word patterns or include themselves in sentences that don’t make any sense. Edit: The thoughts now are positive but are now obsessive. They attach themselves to words and sentences that do not even belong there. They would say I’m something I’m not. They would describe someone or something when they are not that.
They just jumble into sentences I’m saying when I’m saying one thing and not the other (or they can attach themselves to words and literally be this or that and then don’t make sense).
It’s a weird word attachment.
Edit: I used to be a stalker for my crushes back in elementary school/middle school. I would hide behind large objects and follow them to find out their school schedules (routine) and find more about them like their name, likes, dislikes, favorites, friends, birthday, class (student) number, school id number, what color jackets they wore, etc. I found that I was more interested on the details and basics such as numbers and colors and features. Sometimes I would look into their personal world, sometimes no.

- repetitive scenes
Sometimes I think about the past too much and rely on the scenes to make me feel certain moods.
Sometimes I dream about random things that are easy to remember for me. I dream very vividly that I can sometimes smell and taste what was in my dreams but mainly (mostly) see what happened in extreme detail in my dreams. They are so clear to me that I almost forget I am having a dream at night.
When I wake up, I immediately know it was a dream—my brain can differentiate dreams from reality , vise versa.

Is it some form of mental illness?
I had trouble paying attention in class when I was younger simply because I was ALWAYS curious. On grandparents day in Pre-Kindergarten, I observed ants on the teacher’s mat during reading time or circle
and my grandma was sitting next to me for some reason. I wasn’t paying attention to what my teacher was saying but she told me to. I tried. I forgot what else I did that day.
Edit: I believe it was Grandparents’ Day.

- Remembering things is hard for me
Some things are simply hard to remember for me. Yes, everyone has their moments, but I forget what happened yesterday due to me being focused on something else. It is like I have a one track mind. I have a linear thinking and go by order or time sequence. My mom would get mad at me during my kid years because I wasn’t ready to answer her when she asked me questions during the school day. It started in 5th grade when she asked me if I had been in the gymnasium waiting for my teacher to pick us up to his/her class or if I was with my classmates waiting outside his/her door to go inside his/her class. I forgot each day / time when that happened because I was so occupied that day, and my mom wanted to know what happened, but my brain completely blanked out. It was thinking about other things that happened. Of course, I used to remember what happened minutes or hours ago but I wouldn’t remember exactly what happened seconds ago now (not even a few hours or the day before). I’m used to be thinking in longer time periods or frequencies as in years later (even years ago). It has to be what happened years AGO for me to remember those things / events or else I would forget. I kind of deleted my past as in forget my memories by deleting pictures and photographs and audio files and starting fresh. I still have my childhood pictures including some of my teenhood pictures to look back on in picture books (photograph scraps, etc.) Still, I can remember my childhood shows I watched and people’s faces but sometimes forget names of either or.
- I’m sensitive
I cried a lot growing up. I was sensitive to sounds.
- Copycat
I mimiced other kids my age growing up. I wanted attention growing up and threw myself in stores to get stranger’s attention even though both my parents gave me attention & love & support & a roof over my head & food and water & took care of me. I wanted love, to feel loved. I wanted someone to play with. I was an only child. I had extended family such as cousins and childhood friends and friends from school some friends from public but even in presence of other people, I would feel not myself maybe feeling myself a bit.

There was a time I had an out-of-body experience by running around the kitchen when I was 8 years old - approximately that age. I felt human. I felt myself and felt freedom. I was able to do things. I was able to jump out of my own body but still felt my skin and felt free and ran around my parents’ kitchen and talked very loudly. I literally screamed for joy and the experience felt unreal like myself but very hard to explain.

There are times (NOW) than before where I feel numb. No emotion, no mood.

When I was younger, I felt that I was unwanted. During lunch time (cafeteria) during school Pre-Covid, I felt unwanted by being there in everyone’s presence.
I thought people didn’t want me to be there in the cafeteria. I wanted to leave and be by myself. I didn’t understand why everyone had a smile on their face or why people were laughing. I felt so numb, like nothing like nobody wanted to talk to me, nobody wanted to be near me, but that everyone was in their own social circle—their own friendship circle, their own group. They had their tables. They had their friends. They had their own friends sitting near them, their groups, their people, their friendship circles, and I wasn’t allowed to enter them without ever being told anything. I was able to sit at tables, not talking much to others. I just didn’t feel I belonged there.
Edit: I was scared of being alone yet wanting to be alone so badly because I wanted peace and silence. I felt like everyone would abandon me when I was younger and that no guy would like me because they obviously would go for someone else. They would literally replace me with another woman.

I used to frequently wash my hands.
I’m not a perfectionist nor have OCD.

Is it a brain tumor? What is eating my memories?
Or is this all overthinking?

[b] P.S. I’m not self-diagnosing myself. I’m average & healthy person. I’m not pretending to have a mental illness nor disability nor developmental issue. [/b]

Thank you for your time and patience and thank you for your response in advance.
I voted you are fine.

Look into what is an HSP (highly sensitive person) it IS scientifically proven, and it's not only a phenomenon which exists in humans but also other creatures.

Also, with covid, we all I think live in our head and ruminte etc. It's stress and or anxiety. We as humans LOOOOVE control and we LOOOOVE to KNOW what will happen. We also know that we can't control life, only how we react and I argue that it is very hard or impossible bc if there is a history of TRAUMA then at times we can't control how we act.

I am sorry, I have fibromyalgia and so I have not read your post. I wanted to let you know to ease up on yourself please. Being different may seem like a curse but it's also a great blessing but you will need to come to accept your flaws as gifts. Does that make sense? Like in this world there is NO ONE like YOU :) ! And believe me, or just believe your mind when she says, that there are people who would LOVE to have your character traits (because they lack them!).


If you do chose therapy you get to chose what kind and there are the boundaries between a client and therapist.

And as for being diagnosed, well, they LOVE to dx US. Oh yeah, it's what they get paid for. Only once in my life has anyone ever bothered to do a proper Differential Diagnosis, and that's is the cornerstone of proper and good medicine. Just so much easier to prescribe some pill which can have deadly side effects. BE WARY of this.

As an aside, there is a book I will suggest , written by a pharmacist who also happens to be a doctor, a REAL doctor.


It can be a help to actually have a good doctor and if you are concerned do a full panel of your blood, see if you are OK. Are your vitamins fine and your hormones.
The thing I feel compelled to add is our food is basically sht. MOST of it is SHT and gmo are rampant.
Many people have issues with gluten (the protein found in wheat, barley and rye), and also lactose. NOw, why am I saying this to you is you can be a silent celiac or merely have allergies / sensitivities you may not ven have true positive in the Celiac test but the gluten WILL still adversely affect you. It also targets the nervous system. So it can and does cause really bad symptoms.

A site which helped me very much was celiac.com. I had terrible mental grogginess/lack of clarity, like I am on drugs but I don't do drugs etc. My child meanwhile had GI issues. WTF???
I needed answers! So, very fortunately for us both because I diagnosed us, in approximately a year..ON this site. If you go on the forum and you are curious just read some posts. It's by real people who in many cases (most cases) are much better informed than the average doctor, even the so called specialists. You can also ask questions. You will want to go to the FORUM on Celiac.com.

I wish you the best.

P.S. since I did not read your post and still managed to write (and suggest) a lot, so, if I said anything which does not apply, I apologize.


Ok so I was going to PM you with this but I ran into tech. issues.


Hello. I Hope it's OK that I PM'd you with this.

I wanted to add, that you also may be an empath.

I am and it's VERY hard to be in this cacophony of the modern world. I heal in nature, I NEED my down time and human interactions drain me more than they nurture me. Only one on one or maybe a tiny group of SAFE and kindred peeps, this is OK with me.

If you don't know about what is an empath, I will give you link to a site.

Also I have to add bc I don't want for the world to see.

When my child was younger (they are now an adult) and we were still eating gluten, well, my child sometimes heard whispers. That's right. But the thing is that gluten also does cause hallucination, again it can affect our bodies in strange and bad ways, including our nervous system.

Once the gluten was cut out (it is very challenging to eliminate totally, there can be cross contamination even if it states GF [gluten free]) my child did not hear the whispers.

So this is a site, I take things with a grain or more of salt.
Age has taught me that, I am over twice your age.

I took the test long after I KNEW I am an empath.

Oh, and people also can leave their bodies. But that I know very little about and not from my own or anyone I know, personal anecdote.


https://lonerwolf.com/empath-test/
MangoMegalodon · 18-21, F
@LunadelobosIAMTHEDRAGON Hi, thank you for taking the time to PM me and it was very kind of you. However, I believe I’m not an empath.
I’m sorry that food with gluten done something to your child. It is odd they heard whispers.
When I was younger, I heard my parents calling me—out of the blue. I asked them and they said they didn’t call me, but I knew I heard someone say my name. It wasn’t a ghost...and it was a phenomenon since people on TikTok spoke about it. They heard people call their name—close relatives, family, friends. It was a sensory thing. They had headphones. I also had headphones when that happened but sometimes I didn’t and it was odd. But that was long ago. I’m not sure if they ate gluten, but seems like we aren’t alone.
I’m glad you spoke about this. I really am. I’m even more happier you found a solution even though it is hard for you and your child but you two got through it, and that’s good news.


Now me, I am sort of the opposite since I need to see and experience the person and see visible features that they are feeling some way and I feel so lame for not stepping in because I wouldn’t know what to do in several situations. I’m still not an empath but my mom is since she feels for others’ pain. She cries during funerals (many people do, it’s natural) but I normally don’t even if the person was dear and close to me. My mom knows when something is wrong; she just feels it. She felt when someone passed away in our family or when someone got drunk. It was something she felt inside of her. She knows when something is wrong. It is a gut feeling. I don’t have that gut feeling as it takes me a while. It takes me a while then I cry and choke up but then I’m positive. I’m positive at the scene which stops me from crying but tears do roll down my eyes. When I was younger, I didn’t understand the elderly.
Now I’m older, I don’t understand children.
Edit: I struggle with empathy.
I know practical basic things (possible to help) but not the emotional needs of someone.
I can be logical but also illogical.
Rational, irrational. It’s very hard for me with empathy even though I’m highly emotionally sensitive but not anymore as a young adult.
I gained tougher skin throughout the years. I grew thicker skin to the harshness of this world , of others.

I crave human interaction yet push people away but still want to be with someone. It is so weird.

I saw a stranger with a tiger tail on their behind back when I was very young and my mom knew it was a bad person. They looked sick or had bad motives—steal drug rape etc. They moved their tail and said “hi” to me from across the street.
I said “hi” and saw their tail and said “mom look they have a tail” out loud. We almost got kidnapped or something bad and we quickly (she quickly put me inside the car).
I’m not a natural empath. It takes me a while to know if something is bad is happening.
It takes me a while to study one’s feelings and emotions when it is hard for me to understand. It wasn’t back then because I knew someone was sad. I tried cheering them up but am a failure at helping people. It’s because I am NOT an empath but will still take the quiz for you just to make you feel at ease.
Edit: I got a 20. Therefore, I’m correct in my conclusion-Not an Empath.
I’m very sorry to have offended you or made you feel uncomfortable. I really am an indecisive and asocial person but don’t mind conversations. I like listening to other people and learning about them, more than learning about myself. I believe they are interesting than me in an unmeasurable scale.
Edit:
I got a 65 for Highly Sensitive Person. It’s true some sensories stimulate me and make me feel uncomfortable (sight, sound.)
At the same time, I can handle smell very well like foul odors like my dad while my mom cannot. She struggles with overly sensitive things as she has grown older. I don’t. I hate loud sounds still (a bit) as my ears get weird hurt but now I learned to not care about that anymore.

See, not every HSP is an Empath. We learn something new everyday, don’t we? :)

I’m super glad you opened up about this because there are other people out there, possibly struggling. I understand you didn’t want to share with the world your personal life and what you experienced but it’s good to speak up about these kinds of things.
Its overthinking

Most of what you've experienced , we all did as a child.

You're just obsessing beciase you have time to .

Calm down .
Find a hobby .
Get.out more.

Brains are amazing computers, but of not given a lot of stimulus , they'll go over information again and again .

You need more input.
@BoobooSnafu This is an excellent point I ma a reasonably bright person. And literally I will find sht to mull over, to desiccate, to masticate and RUMINATE and FERMENT in my mind: And it can get pretty dark in that little ole head of mine... I have no one to intervene with light or anything for that matter, it's a one way road and very hard to get out of that damn groove!


When I was studying and it was not easy, it was excellent. I was mentally and emotionally engaged, I had peer support and the support of the staff at the school. I graduated and I am so proud. But it only lasted for two months. So that's a very brief time...

Yeah. I find I go bonkers with my mind atrophying in this challenging time.

I am bored and annoyed, to say the least.

Sometimes I am very happy, this doesn't seem to last very long. I.E. nature makes me very happy :)
@LunadelobosIAMTHEDRAGON gee, thanks for the reply.

Yeah....I see this in myself.

So ready to dive into my mind when I shouldn't.

Too much thinking can be a curse.

When we are busy...its amazing how all that deeper shit takes care of itself .

For the first time in my life , I'm learning to go "stop, its not worth thinking about"

Now is now.

The past is the past:
Love it or hate it - you can't change it.

And thank you 💜
@BoobooSnafu We are rally are focusing on the present and that's mindfulness, all that those shrinks tried to ram down our throats rofl.

Nature IS the best mindfulness, it coves so many things. She is our mother and she heals us. When I am even a bit better, I can do better for my family and for myself, I have more inner resources / the light in me is amplified.[u] My soul is eternal LIGHT but in our human existence, it's a difficult school.[/u]

Take good care of yourself :) 🤗💛🌼
Disguised · 56-60, M
95% of what you say could be about my son. He suffers from anxiety and depression.
Sheer · F
[c=#666666]I can't read your message right now (I read the title), because I just don't have time, but I want to say that you shall rest assured, my 30 year old husband's mind seems to be akin to yours, and he's actually quite a smart person.[/c]
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
The thoughts could definitely be OCD. The rest sounds like depression. I'm no mental health professional, so take that for just an opinion. Maybe SSRI drugs could help.
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
uhm an x-ray would not help with determining your thoughts, that doesnt sound like a tumor

 
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