I Am Confused About Life
Shit's hard right now. My mom is living in Japan away from my brother and I. My dad and her get along really poorly when they talk over email, and it always makes my dad pissed off and hard to talk with. In small ways, it really effects my life. Just the other night me and my dad were practicing driving together so I could get my license, and he was being really over the top and mad about tiny mistakes or hesitations, which only made it harder to drive normally of course. He had just gotten some rude email from my mom, and was half ranting at me and half expressing his anger at me because of the email. It made trying to drive a really un-enjoyable experience. Driving especially is a responsibility I KNOW I need to figure out and deal with, but experiences like this make me never want to get in a car again.
It also hurt a lot to know that my parents were arguing again. My dad constantly labels my mom as if she were some crazy freak when he gets a "snotagram" (as he calls emails from her). I love my mom a lot and miss her for being away in Japan too. Hearing such bad things about her hurts so much. At times it's hard to not believe the things my dad says about my mom too. Sometimes I've talked with her about the issues they have, and she doesn't come across as level-headed about it. I don't want to even have to doubt her for a second, but I'm not an idiot either. It's impossible for me to close my eyes and ignore that she has some problems too.
At the same time, my dad and I and getting along less and less as I'm wanting to start making my own decisions, even if I make the wrong ones. Because of his conflict with my mom, I feel really split between them even. I feel like I can't really talk with either of them about these worries because they're so biased against each other, and my relationship with my dad is growing thinner and thinner.
It's just hard to know what to do or who to get help from, which I guess is why I'm posting this here. I don't usually rant or vent and I'd like to think that I don't need to either, but at this point I'm not sure I can handle problems like this all on my own on top of the pressures of being 17 like "growing up", college, making money and someday moving out to manage a life completely on my own.
I dunno what to do.
It also hurt a lot to know that my parents were arguing again. My dad constantly labels my mom as if she were some crazy freak when he gets a "snotagram" (as he calls emails from her). I love my mom a lot and miss her for being away in Japan too. Hearing such bad things about her hurts so much. At times it's hard to not believe the things my dad says about my mom too. Sometimes I've talked with her about the issues they have, and she doesn't come across as level-headed about it. I don't want to even have to doubt her for a second, but I'm not an idiot either. It's impossible for me to close my eyes and ignore that she has some problems too.
At the same time, my dad and I and getting along less and less as I'm wanting to start making my own decisions, even if I make the wrong ones. Because of his conflict with my mom, I feel really split between them even. I feel like I can't really talk with either of them about these worries because they're so biased against each other, and my relationship with my dad is growing thinner and thinner.
It's just hard to know what to do or who to get help from, which I guess is why I'm posting this here. I don't usually rant or vent and I'd like to think that I don't need to either, but at this point I'm not sure I can handle problems like this all on my own on top of the pressures of being 17 like "growing up", college, making money and someday moving out to manage a life completely on my own.
I dunno what to do.
22-25, M
