I Still Love Her
You. Yeah, you reading this. C'mere. I've got some explaining to do and I require your assistance.
Usually I have titles on these sorts of stories but after today waking up, I am at a loss as to my next step.
Do you believe in the paranormal? Spiritual? Magic that can not be explained by David Blaine?
What about Love? Not just the chemical release of oxytocin when you are near someone you love, just the whole experience of it. Why one can fall in love with one person than another. Where you are vulnerable and yet, you feel completely warm and protected.
I experienced that with someone over a site, just like this one. Truth be told, I might have pictured in my mind beforehand someone like her but did not look around for her, at least, consciously. Too busy trying to get out of a situation I had signed up for.
Anyway, it's been a few years and even though we departed, we chatted a little this year. It felt like things had changed but at the same time, there was this feeling.
This feeling I have yet to let go of. Because it is split, right down the middle. It is like someone has put an even number of M&Ms and Skittles in a bowl and yet, I do not know what I desire more. I don't know, that was a bad example.
On the one hand, I can move closer to her, study something I am interested in, get a whole different experience in a new area. She lives an ocean away but if I can at least be somewhere near, maybe, just maybe, we can re-connect.
I know what you may be thinking. "That's a bit stalker-ish, ain't it?". Or maybe you are thinking that it is not worth it, especially if she may have moved on with someone and that'll just confuse her and confuse myself for being there in the first place.
That's where the second half of the decision comes in. What if I just move on entirely? There is not a singular "One" that we are all destined to be with. It is just someone that you connect with and would like to share a great portion of your life with. Perhaps I need to go out more and believe that there is a great person nearby if I just open myself up and believe that there is.
See, both options sound plausible. There is no in between here. One has greater risk but the reward would be cherish-able beyond all the golden riches underneath the sea. At the same time, I could equally go off somewhere else and find someone that is a fresh start, that does not have the weight of the past that binds us, and retain an equal or greater connection than with this past love of mine.
A decision to make. My heart which is at stake.
I could risk the life of not connecting with a past love or I could risk the life of not connecting with a new love.
If I had a whole lot of money, I'd be able to make this decision easy but alas, no dice (unless I make a kickstarter or something which I seriously am considering).
So, reader, I ask of you your input. What perspective do you have of my situation? Have you been in this situation? If so, how did you resolve it? If not, how would you solve this?
Thank you for your time.
Usually I have titles on these sorts of stories but after today waking up, I am at a loss as to my next step.
Do you believe in the paranormal? Spiritual? Magic that can not be explained by David Blaine?
What about Love? Not just the chemical release of oxytocin when you are near someone you love, just the whole experience of it. Why one can fall in love with one person than another. Where you are vulnerable and yet, you feel completely warm and protected.
I experienced that with someone over a site, just like this one. Truth be told, I might have pictured in my mind beforehand someone like her but did not look around for her, at least, consciously. Too busy trying to get out of a situation I had signed up for.
Anyway, it's been a few years and even though we departed, we chatted a little this year. It felt like things had changed but at the same time, there was this feeling.
This feeling I have yet to let go of. Because it is split, right down the middle. It is like someone has put an even number of M&Ms and Skittles in a bowl and yet, I do not know what I desire more. I don't know, that was a bad example.
On the one hand, I can move closer to her, study something I am interested in, get a whole different experience in a new area. She lives an ocean away but if I can at least be somewhere near, maybe, just maybe, we can re-connect.
I know what you may be thinking. "That's a bit stalker-ish, ain't it?". Or maybe you are thinking that it is not worth it, especially if she may have moved on with someone and that'll just confuse her and confuse myself for being there in the first place.
That's where the second half of the decision comes in. What if I just move on entirely? There is not a singular "One" that we are all destined to be with. It is just someone that you connect with and would like to share a great portion of your life with. Perhaps I need to go out more and believe that there is a great person nearby if I just open myself up and believe that there is.
See, both options sound plausible. There is no in between here. One has greater risk but the reward would be cherish-able beyond all the golden riches underneath the sea. At the same time, I could equally go off somewhere else and find someone that is a fresh start, that does not have the weight of the past that binds us, and retain an equal or greater connection than with this past love of mine.
A decision to make. My heart which is at stake.
I could risk the life of not connecting with a past love or I could risk the life of not connecting with a new love.
If I had a whole lot of money, I'd be able to make this decision easy but alas, no dice (unless I make a kickstarter or something which I seriously am considering).
So, reader, I ask of you your input. What perspective do you have of my situation? Have you been in this situation? If so, how did you resolve it? If not, how would you solve this?
Thank you for your time.
36-40, M
