I Am Sometimes Antisocial
Today was my birthday.
I went out with a few friends like I do every Thursday, to an event. After, we usually go to Starbucks and linger like teenagers do. Tonight though, I just didn't feel up to it. I enjoy the company of my friends, but I just... I dunno. I biked home, hopped on the computer and just zoned out for the night. It was nice. That is, until my dad got ticked at me for being up a little late. (He wants me off the computer by 9, and it was 9:25ish.) I got off, and went into the living room to hang out a little before bed. My dad brought up a job he wanted me to do, and that I've been resenting because it's not really my problem, nor would it take him long at all to actually do it himself. Put into a bit of a grumpy mood, I told him how I really felt. Not rudely of course. We had this long talk about responsibilities, and how he does so much for me, so little things like this shouldn't be a lot to ask for. All of what he said was true. My dad is a very reasonable person. At the same time though, I felt him adapting to what I would say. He would change his tone to be soft and agreeable. He would mention a few things to relate with me, tell a small joke. When we were done talking, even though of course he said he knew how I felt and all that, it felt like he had manipulated me and the situation to make himself look like the good guy. In past discussions about the ongoing divorce-thing with my mom, it felt like he was similarly making it sound like my mom was terrible and he was a victim. Yet again, it just felt like manipulation. Like it wasn't really the whole story. He'd say something like "Sorry, I really shouldn't talk about your mom like this in front of you" shortly followed by something "but crap, she's completely off the rails" with an exasperated sigh.
Sometimes I wish just didn't have to deal with other people. I enjoy the company of my friends and family, but so often I'd just rather be in my head with my thoughts and dreams. I don't want to put up with the crap from my dad, and similarly sometimes I just don't want to hang out with my friends.
Mostly I had a good day today. I'm 17 now.
Life is kinda crazy.
I went out with a few friends like I do every Thursday, to an event. After, we usually go to Starbucks and linger like teenagers do. Tonight though, I just didn't feel up to it. I enjoy the company of my friends, but I just... I dunno. I biked home, hopped on the computer and just zoned out for the night. It was nice. That is, until my dad got ticked at me for being up a little late. (He wants me off the computer by 9, and it was 9:25ish.) I got off, and went into the living room to hang out a little before bed. My dad brought up a job he wanted me to do, and that I've been resenting because it's not really my problem, nor would it take him long at all to actually do it himself. Put into a bit of a grumpy mood, I told him how I really felt. Not rudely of course. We had this long talk about responsibilities, and how he does so much for me, so little things like this shouldn't be a lot to ask for. All of what he said was true. My dad is a very reasonable person. At the same time though, I felt him adapting to what I would say. He would change his tone to be soft and agreeable. He would mention a few things to relate with me, tell a small joke. When we were done talking, even though of course he said he knew how I felt and all that, it felt like he had manipulated me and the situation to make himself look like the good guy. In past discussions about the ongoing divorce-thing with my mom, it felt like he was similarly making it sound like my mom was terrible and he was a victim. Yet again, it just felt like manipulation. Like it wasn't really the whole story. He'd say something like "Sorry, I really shouldn't talk about your mom like this in front of you" shortly followed by something "but crap, she's completely off the rails" with an exasperated sigh.
Sometimes I wish just didn't have to deal with other people. I enjoy the company of my friends and family, but so often I'd just rather be in my head with my thoughts and dreams. I don't want to put up with the crap from my dad, and similarly sometimes I just don't want to hang out with my friends.
Mostly I had a good day today. I'm 17 now.
Life is kinda crazy.
22-25, M
