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What’s your opinion on tough love?

I honestly having trouble with someone that’s using tough love on me ever since my dad passed away she’s been trying and she means well but yelling at me even though I asked her not to because I was diagnosed ptsd and have severe panic attacks. Maybe I’m the one that’s too sensitive and need to suck it up but it’s not as easy as it sounds

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AmbivalentFriability · 26-30

There's a time and a place for it.
It does [i]not[/i] work for every person and every situation.
Someone with severe panic attacks and ptsd is not going to benefit from it.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I wish more people would understand that @AmbivalentFriability

Spoiledbrat · F

I don’t think she has to yell at you to get her point across. Tough love is the promotion of a person's welfare, especially that of an addict, child, or criminal, by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

Taking responsibility for my actions is not the issue, she just wants me to do a lot of things at the same time, like her my driver license, go back to school and get a job even though I have severe anxiety and can’t do all that at the same time@Spoiledbrat

Spoiledbrat · F

Tough love is also an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run. ... In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. I’ve always felt used as an excuse for parents or guardians to force their will upon their. @Itsjustbrit

Spoiledbrat · F

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to help you or that she’s not expecting too much from you.

Mamapolo2016 · F

I remember when my daughter was 11 or so - it became impossible to get her up, fed, dressed and out of the house for the bus. Every morning I’d wake her three or four times, nag her through the morning routine - then one day when my patience was short and I had been going through the daily ritual of, “The bus will be here in ten - eight - six - five - four - minutes - then I lost it and yelled “get your shoes on NOW and get out there for the bus.”

She did but was still sulking after school. “About this morning, Mom - you didn’t have to YELL at me.”

Clearly, I did have to yell at her.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

Oh that’s a good reason too, my dad used to have to yell at me to wake up and before he recently passed away he used coke to my bed and poke my face to wake me up as well🤣🤣🤣@Mamapolo2016

Mamapolo2016 · F

[@😂 I was a kinder crazy lady. My point was, maybe if you try to respond in a way that doesn’t require yelling, she’ll stop.[@ Itsjustbrit]

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

That would be nice

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I think there is far too little compassion in this world however there is a need to set boundaries with people. Tough love doesn't need to include yelling. It should speak more with follow through of the consequence when a clearly pre-established boundary is crossed. You can't communicate productively and cooperatively when yelling.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

That’s understandable @Starcrossed

LadyGemini · F

Tough love is shitty

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I actually 100% agree @LadyGemini

Peaceful · F

That's not how I define tough love.
That sounds like abuse, especially since you've asked her not to and you have PTSD.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I recently moved out because she was helping me giving me a place to live til I found a new place to settle down for awhile@Peaceful

Peaceful · F

@Itsjustbrit tough love is when you stop giving money to someone that's addicted to drugs. You stop enabling them, in other words. Do you feel she enables you in some way?

NativeOregonian · 51-55

"Tough love" is nothing but abuse, favored by disciplinarian xtians.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I never heard that before @NativeOregonian

Spoiledbrat · F

I’ve never liked the term either. @NativeOregonian

NativeOregonian · 51-55

@Itsjustbrit I was a kid in the 70's when it was first termed, by the 80's child psychologists were decrying it as outright abuse.

Reject · 26-30, M

I personally really appreciate tough love, but it’s certainly not for everyone.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

Yeah I understand that @Reject

IM5688 · 61-69, M

A person can give tough love to someone that needs it without yelling and screaming at them. Tough love is a way of helping someone see, (and maybe suffer through,) certain aspects of their lives that need to be changed. It's a way of helping someone to do better, to be better, to get better. It can be tough, but if done properly, can really save a persons life.

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Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

Isn’t it normal to get punished when you do something wrong? @Kingfish28

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Specialyouare · 31-35, F

I hate when people yell as well. Overall I wish people were more sweet and mellow.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

If everyone is like that, I would find that pretty creepy but I know what you mean.@Specialyouare

Ewitsu · F

I have severe PTSD too and yelling is one of my main triggers. I hate when people act like they can't understand

GoldenWorm · 51-55, M

Abuse is abuse.

Yelling serves no purpose and can be better solved by other means.

ImKelsey · 26-30, F

Tell her you'll make an attempt if she eases off.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I recently moved out so it’s not a big problem anymore but it did leave some mental scars @ImKelsey

Cowboybob · M

Buck up and deal.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I’m trying @Cowboybob

Cowboybob · M

@Itsjustbrit it was just a joke.

TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 41-45, MVIP

AWOL.. get him back.. now

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

?🙃@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout

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Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

That makes sense @AgapeLove

Caprice · 41-45, F

You can’t just “suck up” PTSD. If she can’t understand your perspective and how her actions are hurting you, then you need to keep distance from her.

Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F

I’m sorry, it’s what she says a lot so I guess I copied it @Caprice

morrgin · F

Sometimes the best help is to not help at all. Yelling at you is not tough love. That's being mean.

Ryanoliver2011 · 26-30, M

It’s definitely not you

bijouxbroussard · F

I can see it at a point when nothing else is working and you’re ready to let the person fall in the hopes that they’ll be forced to get back up on their own. It also generally means that you’re at the stage where you don’t feel you can do anything more for them.

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