I Wish To Die
My Foster Mother wants me to take the dog for a walk, when she sexually abused me all night while I was having seizures. I've recently been awaking with neck and head pains. I cannot even turn my head to the side or up and down, as the pain is excruciating. I feel as though something slipped or cracked in my head and spinal chord. I feel to cry because I have no way out. I don't have any friends, I have nothing. I'm so ugly and messed up, no one would even look at me.
My Foster Mother's boyfriend has his entire family of both genders coming into sexually abuse me and I know that if I get up and leave, they will set me up for slaughter.
I need so much help that if I find a someone to stay with, even they would have to watch their backs. Of course I don't know anyone and have ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS, neither can I have any, for safety purposes. I feel to cry and cry and cry, and sometimes I do because my pains never go away and I've been suffering with joint pains in my neck and head for about a week and a half, as my Foster Mother rides my face while I am having seizures.
I feel to commit suicide, as I've no resources to reach out to. I think it may be the only way out...I NEED SO MUCH PEACE, I can't even sleep in the nighttime. I cry myself to sleep, dreaming narcissistically, only praying that my Foster Mother wouldn't come in and sexually abuse me. I hope that when she hears me crying, that she'd have a feeling I was thinking of something narcissistic, which would give her an immediate turn on. I do this to cool tensions between she and I.
As of now, I cannot even turn my head, and my Foster Mother is cussing at me to take the dog for a walk. I know that if I decide not to take the dog for a walk, it would result in a physical altercation, which may lead to a second, unneeded arrest to my name, as she'd had me arrested for grand larceny upon taking hundreds of thousands of MY Father's inheritance, when I took only $3000 of it, which belonged to me. I was arrested wrongfully and I had to get fingerprints and pictures taken, as I was locked in a nasty cell for around eight hours upon being released because she refused to press charges against me, which would've given me 6 months jail time and permanence to my record.
I was disallowed from telling the cops anything at the time, as one of them told me off about a lie my Foster Mother uttered in regards to herself being beaten by myself. I was then hand cuffed and taken down to the prison at the station.
The following weekend after I was let out, my Foster Mother told me right off the back that my Father's property in Guyana, or 'Success', was worth +$100,000. My STEP MOTHER was taken to court by my Foster Mother for supposedly "forging my Father's signature on his will" and was forced to give up the money for this land and property in Guyana, which turned out to be over $100,000. MY FOSTER MOTHER EVEN TOLD ME THIS ONE DAY, THAT SHE HERSELF HAD TO GIVE UP ALL THE PROPERTY MONEY TO MY FOSTER MOTHER. My STEP MOTHER was the one who saved my Dad's life when my Father was critically ill with bi-lateral pneumonia in his apartment, close to passing, and I agree that she'd deserved every penny of his money. I owe her my life.
The time my Foster Mother gave me papers to sign, she'd had her boyfriend and his family drug me so badly, I signed the papers without reading, without having much knowledge on what I was signing. This just so happened to be that I was signing papers against my Step Mother, as I was heavily intoxicated with not only harmful drugs, but with anti-psych drugs as well, as my Foster Mother has hacker Indian Family who hack computers for a living in India. I also kept in mind that I could've been out on the street if I hadn't signed the papers with the little knowledge I'd had. I was not too keen on what was going on and went straight to bed, after I'd signed those papers, being heavily drugged up and intoxicated.
There's another problem. I don't remember if I'd signed those documents against the forging of my Father's will in front of the lawyer or my Foster Mother and even if the Lawyer'd explained, I still didn't grasp anything, as I was severely intoxicated. All my Foster Mother said, when in her presence was "sign here and here" and wherever else that needed my signature. As of today, I don't only have what belongs to me not in my name, but I signed my entire life away to a Stranger, my Foster Mother, whom is trying hard to get rid of me, alongside the love and desperatism of her two boyfriends and one of their entire families who are obsessed with mutilating me over my Foster Mother.
My Foster Mother's boyfriend has his entire family of both genders coming into sexually abuse me and I know that if I get up and leave, they will set me up for slaughter.
I need so much help that if I find a someone to stay with, even they would have to watch their backs. Of course I don't know anyone and have ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS, neither can I have any, for safety purposes. I feel to cry and cry and cry, and sometimes I do because my pains never go away and I've been suffering with joint pains in my neck and head for about a week and a half, as my Foster Mother rides my face while I am having seizures.
I feel to commit suicide, as I've no resources to reach out to. I think it may be the only way out...I NEED SO MUCH PEACE, I can't even sleep in the nighttime. I cry myself to sleep, dreaming narcissistically, only praying that my Foster Mother wouldn't come in and sexually abuse me. I hope that when she hears me crying, that she'd have a feeling I was thinking of something narcissistic, which would give her an immediate turn on. I do this to cool tensions between she and I.
As of now, I cannot even turn my head, and my Foster Mother is cussing at me to take the dog for a walk. I know that if I decide not to take the dog for a walk, it would result in a physical altercation, which may lead to a second, unneeded arrest to my name, as she'd had me arrested for grand larceny upon taking hundreds of thousands of MY Father's inheritance, when I took only $3000 of it, which belonged to me. I was arrested wrongfully and I had to get fingerprints and pictures taken, as I was locked in a nasty cell for around eight hours upon being released because she refused to press charges against me, which would've given me 6 months jail time and permanence to my record.
I was disallowed from telling the cops anything at the time, as one of them told me off about a lie my Foster Mother uttered in regards to herself being beaten by myself. I was then hand cuffed and taken down to the prison at the station.
The following weekend after I was let out, my Foster Mother told me right off the back that my Father's property in Guyana, or 'Success', was worth +$100,000. My STEP MOTHER was taken to court by my Foster Mother for supposedly "forging my Father's signature on his will" and was forced to give up the money for this land and property in Guyana, which turned out to be over $100,000. MY FOSTER MOTHER EVEN TOLD ME THIS ONE DAY, THAT SHE HERSELF HAD TO GIVE UP ALL THE PROPERTY MONEY TO MY FOSTER MOTHER. My STEP MOTHER was the one who saved my Dad's life when my Father was critically ill with bi-lateral pneumonia in his apartment, close to passing, and I agree that she'd deserved every penny of his money. I owe her my life.
The time my Foster Mother gave me papers to sign, she'd had her boyfriend and his family drug me so badly, I signed the papers without reading, without having much knowledge on what I was signing. This just so happened to be that I was signing papers against my Step Mother, as I was heavily intoxicated with not only harmful drugs, but with anti-psych drugs as well, as my Foster Mother has hacker Indian Family who hack computers for a living in India. I also kept in mind that I could've been out on the street if I hadn't signed the papers with the little knowledge I'd had. I was not too keen on what was going on and went straight to bed, after I'd signed those papers, being heavily drugged up and intoxicated.
There's another problem. I don't remember if I'd signed those documents against the forging of my Father's will in front of the lawyer or my Foster Mother and even if the Lawyer'd explained, I still didn't grasp anything, as I was severely intoxicated. All my Foster Mother said, when in her presence was "sign here and here" and wherever else that needed my signature. As of today, I don't only have what belongs to me not in my name, but I signed my entire life away to a Stranger, my Foster Mother, whom is trying hard to get rid of me, alongside the love and desperatism of her two boyfriends and one of their entire families who are obsessed with mutilating me over my Foster Mother.
