I Use Experience Project As A Diary
This is basically me yelling to the void. In more comprehensible words to some who isn’t me (lol), this is just me letting out my feelings and using it as a diary, sort of.
So, my boards exam is in September, which seems like a fair decent amount of time to study, review, and all that hard work depressing jazz. I started studying since the beginning of July and, ofc, I'll continue till September, yet that still isn't actually a fair decent amount of time since the material is basically from 4 years of school.
The thing is, the more time goes by the less I believe in myself, the less I think I can do this, and the more I want to cry but no tears come out, which has more to do with the fact that i'm no longer responsive to emotional situations the same way normal people are, but instead I lash out or sulk and suppress it in like the unhealthy clinically depressed individual I truly am (I could write a book about hallmarks of depression, hint; it's everything and nothing all at once).
If I pass & actually do well, it will affect my life in so many ways and (God willing), so many doors will open up for me, it will be basically a step closer to my dream. But if I don't, none of that will happen. I don't know what to do except write my guts out on here and hope it somehow generates more serotonin.
So, my boards exam is in September, which seems like a fair decent amount of time to study, review, and all that hard work depressing jazz. I started studying since the beginning of July and, ofc, I'll continue till September, yet that still isn't actually a fair decent amount of time since the material is basically from 4 years of school.
The thing is, the more time goes by the less I believe in myself, the less I think I can do this, and the more I want to cry but no tears come out, which has more to do with the fact that i'm no longer responsive to emotional situations the same way normal people are, but instead I lash out or sulk and suppress it in like the unhealthy clinically depressed individual I truly am (I could write a book about hallmarks of depression, hint; it's everything and nothing all at once).
If I pass & actually do well, it will affect my life in so many ways and (God willing), so many doors will open up for me, it will be basically a step closer to my dream. But if I don't, none of that will happen. I don't know what to do except write my guts out on here and hope it somehow generates more serotonin.
