I Am Having Family Problems
I am from a mixed relationship. In fact family are at least 5 or 6th generation of mixed relations both in home country and abroad. Proud of the fact.
Reason I say this is my mother (who finally married) is in a mixed relationship.
Has been married for 37 years now.
My family has accepted him. (So did I. Until the last 5 years or so. I have noticed that he has began segregating the family from each other.
Let me explain I am the middle one of five children. We are all in mixed race marriages and have children as a result.
However, I am the only one who has a nubile child (from a previous relationship where I was engaged). My husband (the bloke I married instead). Is of lighter complexion. We pride ourselves in our family unity. As he found he could have no children of his own. He adopted my son. And is a very proud father.
We have been married for 34 years now. (Son is almost 35).
The problem is my Step-father. He is splitting my family in two and my youngest brother is helping him. I know why my youngest brother is doing it. Because in our town they do not like mixed relationships. And he has been promoting himself as "Not Mixed Race." in order to get up the social ladder. And I also think that he believes if he does as our Stepdad wishes he will get more from the inheritance.
Let me explain about my stepdad;
When we were younger my Stepdad introduced us to a friend of his. He said "this is my wife's daughter and these are my sons (pointing to my two light skinned younger brothers). I shook the persons hand and said "We are ALL HIS WIFE's CHILDREN. NONE OF US ARE DIRECTLY RELATED TO MY STEPDAD."
On another occasion my son was around 8 years old. My mother encouraged him to have bonding time with his granddad. So my Stepdad took him to the next town to the Zoo. My son called him granddad whilst they were out. My Stepdad told my son (once they were at the zoo), not to keep calling him granddad but to call him by his name. When my son got home and told me. I was furious and so was my husband.
Over the years this has not dissipated. At one stage I had to move back into the family home (a home which was my mothers prior to my stepdad moving in). I came downstairs are I heard voices in the kitchen. And I actually heard my stepdad say to my youngest brother "help me get rid of her." And they did.
We had a birthday party for my mother a couple of years ago. I asked my youngest brother to draw up a guest list. NONE OF MY MOTHERS CURRENT "Friends," were invited. In fact my mother these days associates with more light skinned people than dark ones.
At the party there was 98% dark skinned people like myself. It was as if my brother deliberately did it. As other members of the family abroad began to make comments as to how comes there were no dark-skinned people in the photo's? except my mother, my sister, me and my oldest brother.
I know why my younger brother is doing this as he thinks he will get more of the inheritance if he does as my stepdad requests. I have told my mother that she should share her half of the family home to her five kids. I am certain that my stepdad has been trying to persuade her to change it.
The latest escapade of my Stepdad to split family is this;
Mothers day is coming up. I my son invited me to dinner and I in turn invited my mother. I telephoned my Stepdad and asked him to pass on a message to my mother. Immediately he said. "Oh we cannot come as we are going to (my youngest brothers), house for a takeaway in the afternoon." I said I knew he was going to his house but thought that maybe they could come to dinner with us and then go onto my brothers." He said no!
As I have said the only one of the family who has had a dark-skinned child is me. None of the others. And there are at least two more children darker than me. Has married or produced any dark-skinned members of the family.
And more and more we (that is my branch of the family), are being made to feel like the poor relations. The underachievers and the black sheep. Even though we have never done anything wrong. When we had a family gathering once we stayed at my parents home. everyone of my brothers and their spouses got a bed to sleep in. We (my husband and I had to sleep on the living room floor in sleeping bags.
When my mum is away from my stepdad she is more herself and we all get on. my stepdad does not like her to visit us alone.
I do not care but about the inheritance. But I do care about the fact that recently my son attempted to commit suicide because of how bad they made him feel. As if he was less than nothing. I have NEVER MADE HIM FEEL THAT WAY. And my husband has always said how much brighter than he our son is.
Do I think my brothers - who are light skinned. Had a hand in my sons depression. Yes I do as our son was fine until my brother (the next one down from me), turn up to live in the city where my son lived. Until he moved up there. We had a confident son who had a reasonable job. My brother did not have any money because his business failed and his young girlfriend (a lady 20 years his junior). Chucked him out of her flat. I am certain he persuaded my son to rent a house with him. And then proceeded to fleece him of the proceeds of an endowment policy we had set up for our son. Only now the bank has said "There was no policy." When I took the policy out I was working for a legal firm and they did the policy for me. So I know that this was not true.
Since then when we managed to save my son. I found that my stepdad visited. And I heard him deliberately plead with my son not to say anything. He was at my living room window at the time outside the house. And I don't think he realised that our home is not that soundproof so I heard everything.
As with the latest mothers day incident. I have today texted my older brother who is darker than me and told him I am giving up. That trying to keep the family together after mum is gone is not worth it. If they want segregation then they can have it.
Because I cannot and will not be subjected to this type of behaviour. I have also warned him to look for his biological father as I don't think he will be wanted when our mother dies. I have also said this to my sister who is the same complexion as me. They have both since told me that their respective biological fathers are dead.
I hope that they have a good future. But if my stepdad gets his way we will no longer be in contact with one another.
Its sad really because apart from this fact I was really proud of my family.
Reason I say this is my mother (who finally married) is in a mixed relationship.
Has been married for 37 years now.
My family has accepted him. (So did I. Until the last 5 years or so. I have noticed that he has began segregating the family from each other.
Let me explain I am the middle one of five children. We are all in mixed race marriages and have children as a result.
However, I am the only one who has a nubile child (from a previous relationship where I was engaged). My husband (the bloke I married instead). Is of lighter complexion. We pride ourselves in our family unity. As he found he could have no children of his own. He adopted my son. And is a very proud father.
We have been married for 34 years now. (Son is almost 35).
The problem is my Step-father. He is splitting my family in two and my youngest brother is helping him. I know why my youngest brother is doing it. Because in our town they do not like mixed relationships. And he has been promoting himself as "Not Mixed Race." in order to get up the social ladder. And I also think that he believes if he does as our Stepdad wishes he will get more from the inheritance.
Let me explain about my stepdad;
When we were younger my Stepdad introduced us to a friend of his. He said "this is my wife's daughter and these are my sons (pointing to my two light skinned younger brothers). I shook the persons hand and said "We are ALL HIS WIFE's CHILDREN. NONE OF US ARE DIRECTLY RELATED TO MY STEPDAD."
On another occasion my son was around 8 years old. My mother encouraged him to have bonding time with his granddad. So my Stepdad took him to the next town to the Zoo. My son called him granddad whilst they were out. My Stepdad told my son (once they were at the zoo), not to keep calling him granddad but to call him by his name. When my son got home and told me. I was furious and so was my husband.
Over the years this has not dissipated. At one stage I had to move back into the family home (a home which was my mothers prior to my stepdad moving in). I came downstairs are I heard voices in the kitchen. And I actually heard my stepdad say to my youngest brother "help me get rid of her." And they did.
We had a birthday party for my mother a couple of years ago. I asked my youngest brother to draw up a guest list. NONE OF MY MOTHERS CURRENT "Friends," were invited. In fact my mother these days associates with more light skinned people than dark ones.
At the party there was 98% dark skinned people like myself. It was as if my brother deliberately did it. As other members of the family abroad began to make comments as to how comes there were no dark-skinned people in the photo's? except my mother, my sister, me and my oldest brother.
I know why my younger brother is doing this as he thinks he will get more of the inheritance if he does as my stepdad requests. I have told my mother that she should share her half of the family home to her five kids. I am certain that my stepdad has been trying to persuade her to change it.
The latest escapade of my Stepdad to split family is this;
Mothers day is coming up. I my son invited me to dinner and I in turn invited my mother. I telephoned my Stepdad and asked him to pass on a message to my mother. Immediately he said. "Oh we cannot come as we are going to (my youngest brothers), house for a takeaway in the afternoon." I said I knew he was going to his house but thought that maybe they could come to dinner with us and then go onto my brothers." He said no!
As I have said the only one of the family who has had a dark-skinned child is me. None of the others. And there are at least two more children darker than me. Has married or produced any dark-skinned members of the family.
And more and more we (that is my branch of the family), are being made to feel like the poor relations. The underachievers and the black sheep. Even though we have never done anything wrong. When we had a family gathering once we stayed at my parents home. everyone of my brothers and their spouses got a bed to sleep in. We (my husband and I had to sleep on the living room floor in sleeping bags.
When my mum is away from my stepdad she is more herself and we all get on. my stepdad does not like her to visit us alone.
I do not care but about the inheritance. But I do care about the fact that recently my son attempted to commit suicide because of how bad they made him feel. As if he was less than nothing. I have NEVER MADE HIM FEEL THAT WAY. And my husband has always said how much brighter than he our son is.
Do I think my brothers - who are light skinned. Had a hand in my sons depression. Yes I do as our son was fine until my brother (the next one down from me), turn up to live in the city where my son lived. Until he moved up there. We had a confident son who had a reasonable job. My brother did not have any money because his business failed and his young girlfriend (a lady 20 years his junior). Chucked him out of her flat. I am certain he persuaded my son to rent a house with him. And then proceeded to fleece him of the proceeds of an endowment policy we had set up for our son. Only now the bank has said "There was no policy." When I took the policy out I was working for a legal firm and they did the policy for me. So I know that this was not true.
Since then when we managed to save my son. I found that my stepdad visited. And I heard him deliberately plead with my son not to say anything. He was at my living room window at the time outside the house. And I don't think he realised that our home is not that soundproof so I heard everything.
As with the latest mothers day incident. I have today texted my older brother who is darker than me and told him I am giving up. That trying to keep the family together after mum is gone is not worth it. If they want segregation then they can have it.
Because I cannot and will not be subjected to this type of behaviour. I have also warned him to look for his biological father as I don't think he will be wanted when our mother dies. I have also said this to my sister who is the same complexion as me. They have both since told me that their respective biological fathers are dead.
I hope that they have a good future. But if my stepdad gets his way we will no longer be in contact with one another.
Its sad really because apart from this fact I was really proud of my family.
