I Think About Life

It's odd the way that you acted towards me, yes I think that you are handsome, I like what I see when I look at you, but the way you look at me you don't look at me you stare at my tummy or my double chin, letting me know that you really don't like the way I look....I made sure that I loved you like a brother, even when you made yourself my enemy, it was hard to do because you hurt me time and time again. I didn't want all of this strife, couldn't we just get along? You mistreated my child to get to me, and you got to me, but why? Because it wasn't me who was in error I was being attacked by a demon, and you treated me like as if I was that demon. The damage was done, I can't see how God could ever fix all of this, I wish that He would, I do think that He probably could, but I don't know if that is His will for me.....Everybody says to just forget about you that I deserve to be treated better by somebody else, and it makes sense, but I know that you were discieved and that's why you acted out like you did, because you couldn't see the truth. I am not like the world, I am but I'm not, I'm always changing for the better, but you couldn't see that, nor did you appreciate it......It's just that I want to live the life that God died to give to me....To love you like a brother and for you to love me like a sister in Christ. It's just that I want to live out the life that you could come back to me if our circumstances got better...I know that you are a little rough around the edges but that you're good...And I need to accept you as you are......And I want to forgive you, in hopes that you won't hold what the demon did to me or made me do against me. I miss you, and I understand that our circumstances were very hard to handle, and it's hard to respect people you are told all sorts of evil about.....we usually think that it's true, but it's not, those were half truthes and lies straight from the pits of hell, and that's reason enough to run too. And I understand all of that. But I miss you, and I wish that you were here, I wish that you understood that it wasn't my desires corrupting me but an evil spirit, but she is gone now. And all I have are angels now....good ones....And I wish that you could forgive me for the world, but it's a fleeting mistake, it isn't forever, and I've always tried fighting for a better world, for your sake, for your wife's sake and for my husband's sake, I don't have any wrong desires within me now, and I'm sorry that I ever did, I'm only human, and they were so weak, my punishment did not fit the little error in wrong desire....we all do that from time to time, it's just that mine is broadcasted internationally! For all to see. Lesson learned God will never take His eyes off of my heart, so I choose to live differently. I want to be godly inside and out. How could you refuse that? You could if it's based on them, those who exploit me and persecute me, and their false prophet, I could understand if you didn't want anything to do with me because of them and the damage that was done by the spirit of Jezebelle. It just sucks for me because I did care about you, and it's a great loss.