Things you need to know about me: 1.I don’t like it when things noticeably change. When things are the same I recognize them and don’t have to worry about fumbling my through them or getting details right as I’m already familiar with them. Familiarity also give me a strong sense of comfort as I usually feel safe around things I recognize. There are a few exceptions, but not many. I understand that change happens and actually often support it as change is also a necessary part of life, but its usually the details that don’t affect anything I prefer to stay the same. Sometimes when something important to me changes; I get nervous, sometimes even scared 2.I’m not very expressive in person. Inside I’m a scrambled well of emotions, thoughts, and ideas; however, I’ve long since come to recognize that expressing this not only off-puts people, but also can drive them away. If I appear blank, its not always because I’m disinterested [very little is this actually the case] its simply because I’m keeping my body in check and don’t know how to translate what’s going on inside my head in a way people will find acceptable. This is also why I often keep to myself, even when I wish I had friends I could talk or just hang out with 3.Scary things go on in my head. You might think I have a whole plethora of endless wonder in my brain; but amongst the wonder is also the horror. Many times my mind has concocted scenarios where I flip people off, shout at them, or far worse AS I am around them [thankfully, almost never do I actually do this] Its true that I can imagine brilliant wonders rising from the darkness in fiction, but I have to capable of imagining that dark horror first. ‘It takes one to know one’, as the saying goes 4.Sometimes when I’ve had a bad thought –a thought the disgusts me and makes me ashamed of myself; I stare at my hands until the thoughts go away or I can clear them away and replace them with something else 5.I have too broad a sense of humor. I tend to laugh at even low-brow, bad comedy. Even when I’m disgusted by the material trying to pass itself off as ‘funny’ I still can’t help but crack a smile most of the time. Its torture for me to try and keep a straight face while my more reactive side is in stark contrast with the bitterness I feel towards the individual or material making me feel this way 6.I’m not very funny. I wish I was, but I can barely string together a good joke [let alone on the spot] or make a good quip or retort. Sometimes I can, but those instances are rare. Given the previous factor, this bothers me more than it would most. Sometimes I just throw things out into the wind thinking that they sound funny to me and hoping others will agree. Generally, I annoy people more often than I make them laugh 7.I distract myself. A lot. Whenever I feel awkward or uncomfortable, I tend to focus on small, obscure or irrelevant things to focus on until the object of awkwardness passes, like cleaning my fingernails [and trimming my nails if I let them grow long enough], picking dandruff or scabs off my scalp, pulling hairs, picking zits or scabs; anything, really. If it looks like I’m OCD, its more likely something is making me feel uncomfortable and I’m just trying to get by 8.When I draw a blank, I stare off into space. Sometimes there’s something vaguely interesting to stare at, but usually when I’m trying to think of something on the spot, my eyes just pick a spot and my mind zones out as I run through all the available possibilities until I get one that sounds right 9.I talk to myself when I’m alone. Generally being unable to communicate with people in a way that satisfies me leaves me to say what’s going on in my head whenever I’m alone [or sometimes I whisper when I think others can’t hear me] I can have whole conversations with myself, debates too, I can go on endless praises, rants of epic proportions, deep journeys of introspection, analysis, and whatnot. I can get incredibly enthusiastic, angry, or depressed, just by letting my own thoughts flow naturally. Since many of these thoughts randomly follow one another, many times the ‘conversations’ would just come across as disjointed, or ideas scribbled down on paper scraps to be refined into proper conversations later 10.I can be more easily emotionally swayed than I like. If there’s an angry air about some place and/or crowd, I get angry. If its overly happy in mockery of someone or something, I tend to feel the same way. I don’t like being this way and its another reason tend to avoid people 11.I don’t get with trends. Usually when a trend catches on and gets big, its really only fleeting and doesn’t last very long, but the people who remember the initial feeling want it to last and so do what they can to keep it alive. I am not this way. If something is good and has true value, I’ll agree to that end; if it has personal value to me, I’ll get more invested in it. If you keep shoving it in my face, I’ll more likely get angry and want to burn to ashes every scrap of whatever it is 12.I get caught up in stuff, but I don’t always see it through. If it’s a TV show I’m liking, I gotta’ see every episode; if it’s a trip to the library, I’gonna’ come home with a LOT of books; if its something I like at all, expect me to bring it home and add it to my bottomless collection; and ESPECIALLY if it’s a passion project I’m working on, expect many drawings or pages pertaining to it, but don’t expect anything to be finished. 13.I can’t tell you how many unfinished projects I’m still working on. I’m not the type to throw any ideas away, no matter how bad they are; I’m more likely to let them sit off to the side and come back to them when I suddenly have a brilliant idea to revitalize them into something that works way better. Most of my projects started years ago are still being added on to this day, though pretty much none of them are actually completed 14.I can be obsessive. Even if I never complete my work, I still have to pour over it and work out every little detail before I have to force myself to stop 15.I like mundane work I don’t need direction for. I’m most comfortable with mundane work when I know exactly what to do and can figure out what to do on the spot, if need be, but I don’t like work where I have to keep asking for direction every time I complete a task or I can be randomly tasked with something new. I like to have a sense of control and the assurance that I can do the job and get out of there without any hindrances. Otherwise the uncertainty leaves me uncomfortable 16.I’m terrible at arguing. Its often hard for me to maintain a calm demeanor when confronted with people I feel are ‘idiots’ who rail on about their side of the argument even when I feel that they have no idea what they’re talking about; however its even harder for me to come up with a good counter-argument [at least within an adequate amount of time] so I end up getting angry and often resort to name-calling and continue on with what I can come up with [which isn’t much] 17.I am your typical fussy artist. If I see something I really don’t like, my attitude is ‘No, no, no! Start over, wipe it clean, do it again! Do it again until you get it right!’ Its nothing personal, but I can see the potential in all things and it heavily frustrates me when so many things with such potential are done wrong yet are passed off as ‘good’ or even ‘great’. I don’t mean to fully rewrite or restart something until its completely different, just change the things that don’t work, maybe just alter them a bit, but keep in all the stuff that does in a way that compliments the completed material. In that sense, yes, I can be very judgmental 18.You need to keep talking to me. Very rarely do I engage anyone in conversations, more often people try starting them with me. Usually, however, because I don’t do well socially my answers are very basic and generally brief and people soon lose interest in carrying on the conversation. Its not like I don’t ever want to talk to anyone, I actually do enjoy meaningful conversations and debates with people, but it takes more time for me to get engaged in one, so if you want the conversation to keep going, you have to keep talking to me before I start contributing more meaningfully 19.I’m more inclined towards logical reason. I am prone to opinion like everyone else, but when faced with conflicting opinions, I tend to side with whichever one is the most logical/practical/reasonable, whichever side is harder to argue with, unless I have strong reason for siding otherwise [which isn’t too often] 20.I’ll browse through your profile. To get a better character picture of someone, I tend to go straight to their profiles and browse through given details and posts before I decide whether or not you’re worth or safe hanging around and getting to know on a deeper level 21.I don’t like when people yell at me. I guess my self-esteem is low enough as it is. I’m rather sensitive to it, so when someone angrily yells at me, I tend to take it personally and need time to get over it. 22.Good, deep analysis is like sweet poetry to me. Looking deeper into something than most and finding a whole plethora of things I never expected is often a sheer delight for me; I could listen or go into analysis for hours uncovering the parts of a bigger puzzle very few realize is there. Making a complete picture out of what is perceived as a frazzled, disjointed mess always fascinates me. It makes me often feel smarter for having partaken or viewed it and often inspires to me to analyze elsewhere
