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I Think Too Much

My mind is going off like a siren, I'm hoping for some silence, but the voices inside are violent, screaming shouting, and everything I am, is everything I don't want to be, I can't say who I am, cause I don't feel like I'm me, and I'm not free to dream, what I want to dream or I would dream that I was anybody but me, you see, crazy is how they describe me, why they don't like me why everyone thinks that I'm lying, when I say I'm disabled or unable to do a certain thing they just say I'm unstable, I'm not, mentally I'm strange but I'm not crazy in the way that you think it's just that I think about everything you don't see and I see things you won't believe, and I've been to places darker than the streets at midnight with no lights, in the countryside because deep inside, there is no place darker than my mind, or my life, it's my right to feel afraid because I've been abused beaten and raped, and theres only so much one mind can take I'm 20 years old and suffer from severe backache, and migrains, my hips dislocate, I look fine, but inside my whole body needs to be rewired, and I'm tired, so tired as I have chronic fatigue so much more wrong with me than anyone could believe but no-one believes me even though I'm diagnosed everyone just say I'm crazy that's how it goes
Jerry38
Oh man, I feel so bad for you! I know people like you, and I have been just like you in the past. The good news is, you can really get past this :)

I know you are seriously depressed, and I believe you have some bi-polar disorder too. This is not your fault, it's a brain chemical disorder, and it can be treated. I KNOW this, because I've been through this myself :)

The horrible abuse you went through can actually cause chemical changes in your brain, as it tries to compensate for the trauma it feels.

You need to see a psychologist -- nothing wrong with that. I did, and it helped me so much! Tell him/her everything you're going through, and he'll give you medications that will help get your brain chemistry back in order. But mind you, these medications take more than a month to take effect. And like me, you'll have to go through a bunch of different medications until you find something that works for you. Some medications actually can make you worse, until they can find the right one for you. They put me one one that made me sick to my stomach, and then they put me one another anti-depressant that almost made me commit suicide. I felt hopeless and desperate, and thought there was no way I could crawl out of that black hole... Finally they found the right combinations, and my gosh, I am completely healed!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and when you finally get the right medication, you'll know what I mean. But be patient, it can take some time.

Wish you the best, and I'm giving you big warm hugs over the internet. Lol!
Jerry38
...and you're not crazy, at least most of the time. You certainly are intelligent, but what you need is brain medication that will stop the interruptions of brain activity. I'm serious. If your brain cannot operate properly, You'll act crazy, even though you're actually not.

I'll bet you're not sleeping well at all, because your brain won't turn off. You'll get better :) I can tell you're not crazy, but really hyper and tired.
BeingLea · 26-30, T
by the way I have borderline personality disorder not bi polar disorder I refuse all medications and I am not seriously depressed
Jerry38
Well that's good... I mean that you're not seriously depressed. I wish the best for you :)
DaveExp
I like it... It's got rhythm. It's got blues too... I feel for you. I have a voice in my head. At least one, anyway. It's like a bully... and it knows all my secrets. It helps me to think of somebody sticking up to that bully. A friend. So I evoke the voice of that friend in my head and its puts the bully in place.
BeingLea · 26-30, T
I'll give it a go I'm willing to try anything to be honest, I want to make something of myself I'm ambitious I just need to control the crazy inside me haha, because to other people my eccentricity can be intimidating, my honesty comes across as rudeness, and my low self esteem and self doubt just comes across as if I'm pessimistic hopeless and dark
DaveExp
I like to watch comedian George Carlin on you tube. He cheers me up :-)
BeingLea · 26-30, T
I'll check him out, I like doc brown, funny and he does it in a rap combining two of my favourite things, music and laughter haha
WarzJack
You are a ghost in a shell.

 
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