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I Am Weak

today I realized how weak I was. My doggy was old and couldn't even stand. My dad wanted me to come to the vet with him. They had decided to put her to sleep. I was wreaked, felt so helpless that I didnt know what to do. I screamed at my dad - I know it was not his fault. I was running up and down but somehow during this entire event I couldnt get myself to step out of the house.

Even worse I wanted to touch my doggy who has been with me for 14 years, I wanted to hold her near me. I was scared for some reason. I couldnt even look at her. I saw a glimpse of her face as my dad took her away.

That was the last I saw of her, she looked right into my eyes.

It was like she was asking me why I was this helpless. I wanted to hold her but instead went back into my room and locked myself in it.

I was scared and hopeless. I realized I was so weak, that I didnt have the courage to say good bye. I just sat and cried. I couldnt bear taking her in my arms to put her to sleep. I dont know if I will ever recover from this. I loved her and didnt see this coming. I tried to prepare myself for this event,but was never really prepared.

Today all that is left at the end of the day is my memories with her and the posts I left on similarwords.

If there is god, I pray that he keeps her close to him and gives her all the love he has to offer. I hope she forgives me for being this weak.

Only wish I had the courage to give her the last tight hug and a kiss. I miss her.
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zeeva70 · F
Loving another being unconditionally isn't a sign of weakness but of tremendous strength. So sorry for your loss.