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I Am Weak

today I realized how weak I was. My doggy was old and couldn't even stand. My dad wanted me to come to the vet with him. They had decided to put her to sleep. I was wreaked, felt so helpless that I didnt know what to do. I screamed at my dad - I know it was not his fault. I was running up and down but somehow during this entire event I couldnt get myself to step out of the house.

Even worse I wanted to touch my doggy who has been with me for 14 years, I wanted to hold her near me. I was scared for some reason. I couldnt even look at her. I saw a glimpse of her face as my dad took her away.

That was the last I saw of her, she looked right into my eyes.

It was like she was asking me why I was this helpless. I wanted to hold her but instead went back into my room and locked myself in it.

I was scared and hopeless. I realized I was so weak, that I didnt have the courage to say good bye. I just sat and cried. I couldnt bear taking her in my arms to put her to sleep. I dont know if I will ever recover from this. I loved her and didnt see this coming. I tried to prepare myself for this event,but was never really prepared.

Today all that is left at the end of the day is my memories with her and the posts I left on similarwords.

If there is god, I pray that he keeps her close to him and gives her all the love he has to offer. I hope she forgives me for being this weak.

Only wish I had the courage to give her the last tight hug and a kiss. I miss her.
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greenmountaingal · 80-89, F
I am so sorry. It is terrible to lose a friend like that. Maybe she felt calmer being held by someone less upset. You did the best you could. Animals have such innocent and unconditional love and that is why it is so hard to lose them. I understand because I still miss my cat and he died 8 years ago.