I Dont Really Have Any Friends
Truly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life was grieve the loss of someone who is still alive.
It sounds rather sad, but over the course of the past few weeks, I've come to the conclusion that I have no friends. The days of being able to call my best friend up and tell her how shit or wonderful my day was is over. The times where we would go out and just act stupid together are over. The in-depth conversations. The road trips. The laughter. The fun.
All over.
For a while, I was in denial. I kept having my family tell me "They only want you when they have no one else." Or "They just want an extra gift at their birthday," but I disregard their comments because they "just don't know MY friends. " But I can't live in the dark and more. I can't keep pretending that they want me around when they don't. And I can't paint a smile on my face everyday when deep inside I'm falling apart- and none of "my friends" have a clue.
I don't know what happened. I don't think any of us did anything wrong, but if I have, I would love for you to come tell me, and we can fix it.
But it's nothing like that.
The wind simply took us in different directions. But although we have grown apart, there was a a beautiful time when we grew side by side, and because of that our roots will always be tangled up together. And for that I'm grateful.
I just hope that someday, when you're older and looking through your things from your younger days, you might stumble across a photo, or a movie ticket or whatever, and a smile decorates your face and you say "I rememeber this. "
It sounds rather sad, but over the course of the past few weeks, I've come to the conclusion that I have no friends. The days of being able to call my best friend up and tell her how shit or wonderful my day was is over. The times where we would go out and just act stupid together are over. The in-depth conversations. The road trips. The laughter. The fun.
All over.
For a while, I was in denial. I kept having my family tell me "They only want you when they have no one else." Or "They just want an extra gift at their birthday," but I disregard their comments because they "just don't know MY friends. " But I can't live in the dark and more. I can't keep pretending that they want me around when they don't. And I can't paint a smile on my face everyday when deep inside I'm falling apart- and none of "my friends" have a clue.
I don't know what happened. I don't think any of us did anything wrong, but if I have, I would love for you to come tell me, and we can fix it.
But it's nothing like that.
The wind simply took us in different directions. But although we have grown apart, there was a a beautiful time when we grew side by side, and because of that our roots will always be tangled up together. And for that I'm grateful.
I just hope that someday, when you're older and looking through your things from your younger days, you might stumble across a photo, or a movie ticket or whatever, and a smile decorates your face and you say "I rememeber this. "
