I Screwed Up
I binged. Almost purged. I knew that I didn't want to wake up the next day with a swollen sore throat and enlarged lymph nodes. All I could think about was him. My amazing boyfriend in which I have hurt so many times that I'm surprised he is still with me. "You can't let him see you like this." Echoed through my skull.
Where did this urge come from, I'm not sure exactly? I had a party in which we were FREE! No supervision, no one telling is what to do. We went out when we wanted to, slept when we wanted to, and of course ate what we wanted. We had a serious case of the munchies. I was the one with the money and I most certainly used it. Buying an array of drinks and snacks. When we had pizza I noticed I ate more then I usually did. Three pieces of pizza and some odd amount of bread. Along with three quarters of a 2 Liter of coke. Opposed to my normal one to two slices and a piece of bread. Oh and I can't forget to mention that I snacked earlier in the day. And even after the pizza... Chips, m&m's, root beer, water, grape crush, and a few other drinks I can't remember. I'm huge on drinking any kind of fluids. Give me and my best friend a day and we can drink gallons.
The day after the party I didn't eat much. Yogurt, cake, dorritos, m&m's, coke, and Mtn Dew. I had huge cravings though. I blame that on my period staring that very day. Luckily I was so exhausted from the night before that I fell asleep shortly after I got home.
7/7/14:
I went out for a bit with some extra money to spend. Made some "empty" buys. But also got the necessities. But then I went for the food...
-1 cup of strawberry yogurt
-Small bag of dorritos
-Handful of M&M's
-Small bag of cheddar chips
-2 pieces of cake
-1/2 gallon of water
-1 Liter of Mtn Dew
-1 cup of Coke
-1 can of tea (Approx. 2 cups)
-Large Sierra Mist
-Large curly fries
-8 chicken nuggets
-4 motzerella sticks
-Half a cheese burger (lettuce, onion, mustard)
-Roast Beef sandwich
-Regular sized Black Cherry Kickstart (medium?)
-6 peanut butter crackers
Some of the things on the list I didn't even like but continued to eat anyways. My stomach hurt so bad. I was painfully full and bloated to the point I wished I could puke to relieve the pain. The horrible thing Is that even after I'd do that I would continue eating up until the sane point. Since I couldn't purge I used a different method. Wait until the pain subsided then ate. Then waited a few more minutes then ate again right back up to the sane state I was in before.
I put myself through misery but at the sane time it felt so good. The part that didn't feel great was that I didn't get to finish the deed. I didn't purge. I fear that I'm going to go through this again but the next time finish what I started just as I'm suppose to. The only way to feel that real gratification.
Mia came to see me after a long while of being gone. I welcomed her in and we sat down to a meal together. But soon after I escorted her out the door. In all honesty... I wish I would have let her stay for the night.
Where did this urge come from, I'm not sure exactly? I had a party in which we were FREE! No supervision, no one telling is what to do. We went out when we wanted to, slept when we wanted to, and of course ate what we wanted. We had a serious case of the munchies. I was the one with the money and I most certainly used it. Buying an array of drinks and snacks. When we had pizza I noticed I ate more then I usually did. Three pieces of pizza and some odd amount of bread. Along with three quarters of a 2 Liter of coke. Opposed to my normal one to two slices and a piece of bread. Oh and I can't forget to mention that I snacked earlier in the day. And even after the pizza... Chips, m&m's, root beer, water, grape crush, and a few other drinks I can't remember. I'm huge on drinking any kind of fluids. Give me and my best friend a day and we can drink gallons.
The day after the party I didn't eat much. Yogurt, cake, dorritos, m&m's, coke, and Mtn Dew. I had huge cravings though. I blame that on my period staring that very day. Luckily I was so exhausted from the night before that I fell asleep shortly after I got home.
7/7/14:
I went out for a bit with some extra money to spend. Made some "empty" buys. But also got the necessities. But then I went for the food...
-1 cup of strawberry yogurt
-Small bag of dorritos
-Handful of M&M's
-Small bag of cheddar chips
-2 pieces of cake
-1/2 gallon of water
-1 Liter of Mtn Dew
-1 cup of Coke
-1 can of tea (Approx. 2 cups)
-Large Sierra Mist
-Large curly fries
-8 chicken nuggets
-4 motzerella sticks
-Half a cheese burger (lettuce, onion, mustard)
-Roast Beef sandwich
-Regular sized Black Cherry Kickstart (medium?)
-6 peanut butter crackers
Some of the things on the list I didn't even like but continued to eat anyways. My stomach hurt so bad. I was painfully full and bloated to the point I wished I could puke to relieve the pain. The horrible thing Is that even after I'd do that I would continue eating up until the sane point. Since I couldn't purge I used a different method. Wait until the pain subsided then ate. Then waited a few more minutes then ate again right back up to the sane state I was in before.
I put myself through misery but at the sane time it felt so good. The part that didn't feel great was that I didn't get to finish the deed. I didn't purge. I fear that I'm going to go through this again but the next time finish what I started just as I'm suppose to. The only way to feel that real gratification.
Mia came to see me after a long while of being gone. I welcomed her in and we sat down to a meal together. But soon after I escorted her out the door. In all honesty... I wish I would have let her stay for the night.
22-25, F
