I Was Tempted

I don't think that I could ever be just friends with men whom I find attractive, extremely handsome, or charming who behold such an inner beauty that touches me and moves me to desire them romantically. Being married, that old ball and chain, I do not wish to betray my husband no matter how turbulent our marriage may be. I view these men as temptation, there is no fooling myself any longer trying to deny myself how I know I really feel in my heart of hearts, so I am best to just avoid these temptations all together and not let my eyes sin. I still love men, women, husbands, wives and children....But if I am attracted physically, I know if I let them into my eye like an exotic drink that I may go astrey within my dreams eventually. Truth be told I had a handsome family doctor, I noticed his handsomeness, but I never thought nothing of it, until a few years later when I struggled with a handful of fantasies about him....Then I fell into another schizophrenic relapse, I didn't think that the temptation was strong enough, I didn't think that I liked him like that, so I felt like I could hang onto him and just be near him while I overcame my demons, I started hearing Angels singing but I was stalked by a group of gang stalkers and their false prophet and they spread all sorts of evil against me and turned him against me, and then the spirit of Jezebel sealed a nail on my coffin by causing me to sin in the most vilest way and I lost him. He really hurt me and my children. And my wounds took at least 4 years to heal, and I don't want that to ever happen ever again, even though I know it might. But I will do my best to avoid temptation to have crushes romantically, or fantasies about other men other than my own husband.