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I Enjoy the Company and Friendship of Women

I don't have any sisters, I have few friends because I was never allowed to be close to anyone outside of our house, when I lived with my Mother and stepdad.

At the refuge, I made two friends, one in the staff and one woman who had been beaten by her husband so she miscarried. These women were my salvation!

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SubZeroSlays808 · 26-30, M

I have had equally negative experiences in my life when I've tried to make friends among men and women alike.

I have few friends, because when my family and I moved to the small town we're in now, we were viewed as the "outsiders" of the area. Being homeschooled by my family, which resulted in my being largely sheltered, didn't help matters either, but after high school, I tried to make friends at a church, at jobs, at restaurants, at bars...people just seemed to want my company in small doses and never for an extended period of time. The rare times people actually did offer to hang out with me, they never followed through with it (like they were just saying that to make me feel better).

Fernie · F

@SubZeroSlays808 do you have any thoughts or ideas about why people didn't stay and be your friend for long?

SubZeroSlays808 · 26-30, M

@Fernie Well, my first thought about it goes right back to what I said about my being an "outsider", which reinforced the possibility to these other people that I could have some secret agenda, which made me "unsafe" to have a close relationship with. For example, the girls I tried befriending seemed to think (wrongfully) I was just trying to befriend them to create an easy opportunity in the future to sleep with them. Even more paranoid, the other men I tried befriending seemed to think (again, wrongfully) I was trying to befriend them because I might have been gay and secretly attracted to them.

If they weren't concerned about getting raped and/or murdered, then it must have been a concern that I could royally screw them over by somehow taking advantage of their finances or making off with their valuable belongings. What begot this belief of mine was my realization of how most people in this area seem to have some horror story about how they trusted the wrong person and have become too paranoid of trust anyone new or unfamiliar to them ever since.

That and the fact that everybody just seemed to have their own little cliques of people they'd known since middle school and for whatever reason, I wasn't "cool" or "special" enough for them to offer their friendship to me. But possibly the most damning reason people didn't want to be friends with me was simply that I still lived with my parents, wasn't making a lot of money and was therefore considered a "loser" by their standards.

People befriend folks they can take advantage of (people with prospects, in other words). And if you don't fit that bill, you're pretty much screwed.

Fernie · F

@SubZeroSlays808 I believe that THIS is the source of your social issues "Being homeschooled by my family, which resulted in my being largely sheltered"...you did not get a chance to learn and hone your social skills. This most likely makes you feel inadequate...who wouldn't? You can't know that men were thinking you might be Gay or the women thought you were up to something...that all comes from weak social skills...from your own head. We put stuff out there that people pick up and we very often are not even aware of it. You need practice and self awareness and better self esteem. All very possible for you

SubZeroSlays808 · 26-30, M

@Fernie Thankfully, my self-awareness and self-esteem has improved much in the last few years. But even if these people didn't think I was trying to sleep with them, what I said about them being paranoid about trusting the wrong person certainly holds true.

Fernie · F

@SubZeroSlays808Are you sure about what those people are thinking? It could very well be you who's thinking all that. Anyway, keep on growing

SubZeroSlays808 · 26-30, M

@Fernie These are only my theories as to what these people could be thinking, but after spending much time in deep thought and reflection of these times of my life, I've definitely leaned more towards any of them being true than anything else.

Thank you though, I will certainly try my best!