I Lost My Best Friend My Mother

This month was her death anniversary, and it has killed me inside.
I've hide it pretty good, because not many care, but I have came to the realization i've lost myself because of it.
I've been drinking so much, and pretty much have been self-medicating.
I don't know who I am anymore, and the depression is kicking my ass. I have had so many thoughts of suicide, that im scared I might go through with it.
I don't have family, or really any friends.
This has been such a huge struggle because my mom was my everything, now I have nothing.
I really scared of myself.
I know people will just tell me to get help, but there's no "help" in this town.
Just doctors mocking you, and putting you down.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

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SoFine · 46-50, F

To honour your mum, then be the best you can be for you.
To build up your worth of self.

Alcohol will make your life worse. ..not better.
If you want that drink, then do something physical to distract you. Get up and dance instead.
Do you have an Aunt or other mother figure that you can get advice from.
It sounds that you attract drama in life, then stay clear of toxic people. Recognize that this kind, are not the best to hang out with. I would opt to be alone, than hang around them.

Also, don't get into a long-term relationship, wait.....why....
In long-term relationships, we get old hurts triggered allot. At first it may seem the right move, yet in time, you both will trigger old wounds.

Find health ways to build up your worth of self, then you will make better life choices.

Your love for your mum, will still hold, never lost, still strong.