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I Write What I Feel

Little Things
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Little things add up. Seemingly, innocuous things. Like being consistently left alone, even for (relatively) small amounts of time. I feel they do because they imply that something is more important than you are.

For a long time, I never put much thought into those kinds of things. They seemed “normal” or were “unavoidable”. Acceptable.

Until one time I was sitting by myself, and it struck me how lonely those events made me feel.

I was there to spend time that person, and even though the majority of my time was spent in their company, those moments that they just “had” to leave, they left me feeling alone; and if I’m honest, a little angry about it too.

The person returns though, and the world is set right again. Seemingly. Until they up and leave you again.

That’s where I think a person becomes numb to it, the repetitiveness of the action. Until there comes the day that you finally take note of how those events make you feel, and it changes how you view them.

At least, it did for me.

Things that change a person also seem to have this same effect. As in, things that force a change in the personality of the person you’re with.

There too, when done on a consistent basis, they only help to alienate you from that person.

No matter the words of comfort they may give, no matter the actual honesty of those words either.

I believe we choose to be in the company of someone because of particular facets of their personality, so when they decide to play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with who they are, it takes a toll.

Almost half the time I find myself bearing the side of someone I don’t like, but because of who they normally are, I tolerate it.

I’m sure doing so sounds like folly, and I concede that it may be true, but to force change… the thought that runs foremost through my mind is “At what price, the cost of victory?”. As well as “Is it a war I’m willing to wage until the bitter end?”


I don’t know.
MoonlightLullaby · 41-45, F
[quote]I’m sure doing so sounds like folly, and I concede that it may be true, but to force change… the thought that runs foremost through my mind is “At what price, the cost of victory?”. As well as “Is it a war I’m willing to wage until the bitter end?”[/quote]

Omg, I was going to write about this subject today, ironically. The idea came to me when I saw a particular quote about walking away from people who steal your joy. It made those memories surface of when I willingly took blame and tried to alter myself for [i]him[/i], but nothing was ever good enough. That's mental torture and I did feel more alone in their presence, but refused to take the rose colored glasses off. You know how the story played out...

BUT, I found me a diamond out of that experience, and one who'll never feel alone or less than ever again, even if from afar. And he lets me be me; builds me up vs tearing me down, and accepts his faults should they arise. Or are there even any issues to solve.🤔😉😘
Ambroseguy80 · 51-55, M
We seem to be living in a parallel universe 😬
SW-User
@Ambroseguy80 Omg... Feeling waaayyy to philosophical to come up with a halfway decent response. 😆

That sucks though.
Ambroseguy80 · 51-55, M
@SW-User welcome to SucksVille

 
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