How do I deal with a friend I’ve not been getting along with?

I’ve not been getting on with my friend recently and I don’t know what to do about it. We normally see each other once, or twice a week, but I’ve been starting to dread her visits. She’s been really good to me and has been helping me work through some problems for quite some time. Recently, however, she’s been offering her opinion on an area of my life (not that I was asking for her opinion on it!) and it is clear we don’t agree on this area. It is causing real tension between us. She keeps saying she won’t say anymore about it, but it keeps coming up. She has told me several times that she is offended that I won’t that her ‘advice’, but my feeling is that even if I had asked for advice, I wouldn’t be obliged to take it. On top of that she is dyspraxic, so she can get rather irate at times. Basically instead of helping with me with my problems, at times, I have dealing with my problems and an irate friend talking about how offended she is and how anxious I am making her. What do I do?

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Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Get some space from each other.
You don't have to get into the whole 'what does it mean ?' thing.
Just know that right now, you're no good for each other.

Looking

@Picklebobble2 I’m now in the position where I need her help, so taking a break from her would cause me significant problems. As I mentioned to someone else, we were in the process of arranging for her to be my PA, but recently things have not been working out.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

@Looking Go careful. Friends and business rarely mix well.
Some folk have trouble discerning where certain boundaries are.

You may have to let her know that if she agrees to your employment terms your relationship will change.

Looking

@Picklebobble2 She had already agreed to things. If she pulls out now I’m in a real bind. I’ve known her a long time now, so this whole situation was unexpected.

SW-User

On reading other comments, the best thing to say here, is you need to be totally honest with her about all this, how about you try to explain to her that you do not want advice, that she's making you anxious .. etc.
Honestly, I would be running a mile from a person like this.

Looking

@SW-User She’s a good person, who has done a lot to help me, so I feel really bad about the whole situation. Some of the time I think her grumpiness is, at least in part, due to her dyspraxia, which makes me feel I should more tolerant.

Cutiepi23

Tell her you can only be her friend if she stays of the subject that's offending you.
If she can't I think you will need to take a break from her for a while.

SteelHands · 61-69, M

That "area" of your life you so conveniently didn't mention.

Since it might be something extremely risky or self destructive you might be on the last real friend you'll ever have or not, and you don't need to worry about it since for every real one. A thousand losers addicts, betrayers and horse asses are waiting to be the next best fren.

Looking

@SteelHands I didn’t mention the area(s) as I didn’t want a hideously long post, nor did I want to put too many personal details into my post. It’s do with money and housing. Oh and she thinks I need to be more open with people! However, given that I have discussed personal areas like my finances with her and this is now causing tension, I’m really wishing I had been less open with her!

SteelHands · 61-69, M

@Looking Okay yes. It's never been a good idea to complicate a friendship with money issues. Though it's a little late to regret it now. Best way you can manage now is to pretend to be outwardly agreeable while still following whatever you think is best for you. Friends often think the answers are simple and want to help. That's not a bad thing. It's just a little annoying if you lack a good amount of patience.

She means well.

Looking

@SteelHands I do regret it, but such is life. It is annoying, however, that she keeps saying my life would be easier if I were more open when I think it is evident that my being open about personal matters has led to conflict. I can’t just agree with what she is saying. As some of the issues relate to housing she’s going to know I have ignored her advice when I move to a different area/accommodation that what she is recommending! She knows the answer is not simple in my case, she also knows we disagree, yet she continues to hassle me with her unsolicited advice that I clearly disagree with. I’m very patient, she’s actually the one getting irate with me.

I do think she means well though.

scorpio611 · 41-45, M

Shake it off and concentrate on your work/family

Looking

@scorpio611 I am kinda reliant on her help at the moment. We had actually been planning to make things more official and have her working as my part time personal assistant for now, but, just as we are in the latter stages of finalising this, things have gone downhill between us.

SW-User

It's time to take a break from this person 👍

dondon · M

Take a breather and some alone time

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dondon · M

@Looking 😳 well that sucks.😱

Looking

@dondon It got to the stage that I suspected she may be ill. Then it got to the obvious stage, but the diagnosis was still a shock.

dondon · M

@Looking And now you need a new PA 😇

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