Isolation.

I'm having a really hard time right now with suicidal thoughts and self harm. I don't feel able to reach out to my friends for help. I desperately want them to reach out to me, because I need them. But if they do reach out, I don't know if I'll respond. I don't know if I can. But I really do need them.

This is the worst I've been in a long time. possibly the worst I've ever been. I've never felt this isolated from my friends, despite never before having this many. I hate that I'm doing this to myself. I feel totally trapped being this person who can't and doesn't want to help herself. Who can't even ask for help. I don't see a way out right now.