I Believe That Words Are Powerful
Out of all the spoken words that could have ever been exchanged, there was one moment in time where there were none. In the silence his eyes searched mine. There was so much he wanted to say, but he couldn't find a way to express it, almost as if speaking would ruin what was felt beyond emotions that were running deep. It was the last time we would see each other. We both knew that it felt unfair, and it hurt like a wound that would take awhile to heal, but there had to be some justice. Neither of us was in a position to offer what we truly wanted. The timing was all wrong. Somehow it seemed right. With a kiss on his cheek, I said I would miss him. He could not say anything still. Never had I seen this side of him. The quietness was unsettling, and as he turned and walked to the door, each step seemed so heavy.
I could do nothing but stand and watch him go. He opened the door, did not look back. He never said goodbye, and that is what got me. He always said goodbye. I don't know if he felt it hurt to say it. Perhaps that would make it final. Nothing has ever been the same since that moment, and I stayed up until the dawn feeling like I was waking from a dream. We agreed not to stay in touch, although we wanted to. As hard as I tried to hold true to that, I did reach out. Silence returned, and I missed the time spent in his presence. I did not understand why things had to happen the way they did. I do not understand why we crossed paths multiple times for years without knowing it as if it were fate to meet anyhow.
The instant connection between us had been something like fire. I understand he is not mine to keep. It feels like our time knowing each other happened a thousand years ago, in another life, or that it was some magnificent lucid dream. I didn't know things like that could happen. Especially when two people are already devoted to another, with two different paths that crossed and went in separate directions.
It has been 2 years, and I reached out without expecting any response. "Do you need to talk? Do you want me to come over?" Were some of the most wonderful words to hear in a long time. A brief conversation was had to encourage me forward through my struggles. And I tucked it away in my heart with his name. Some words are spoken like a secret, with a gentle admiration and affection, and sometimes silence fills the spaces in between when words fail to describe our feelings.
I could do nothing but stand and watch him go. He opened the door, did not look back. He never said goodbye, and that is what got me. He always said goodbye. I don't know if he felt it hurt to say it. Perhaps that would make it final. Nothing has ever been the same since that moment, and I stayed up until the dawn feeling like I was waking from a dream. We agreed not to stay in touch, although we wanted to. As hard as I tried to hold true to that, I did reach out. Silence returned, and I missed the time spent in his presence. I did not understand why things had to happen the way they did. I do not understand why we crossed paths multiple times for years without knowing it as if it were fate to meet anyhow.
The instant connection between us had been something like fire. I understand he is not mine to keep. It feels like our time knowing each other happened a thousand years ago, in another life, or that it was some magnificent lucid dream. I didn't know things like that could happen. Especially when two people are already devoted to another, with two different paths that crossed and went in separate directions.
It has been 2 years, and I reached out without expecting any response. "Do you need to talk? Do you want me to come over?" Were some of the most wonderful words to hear in a long time. A brief conversation was had to encourage me forward through my struggles. And I tucked it away in my heart with his name. Some words are spoken like a secret, with a gentle admiration and affection, and sometimes silence fills the spaces in between when words fail to describe our feelings.
31-35, F
