Rabbit420 · M
In a polyamorous relationship their is always going to be someone that feels like they're getting less attention, that they're being left out, that they are inferior, that they are less loved.
My question is this..if I have not exhausted my capacity to love, serve, understand, and devote myself to one partner, why would adding another partner make me capable of giving more?
Time is finite. Attention is finite. Emotional energy is finite. There are only so many hours in a day and only so many important decisions, intimate moments, hardships, and responsibilities that two people can share. Adding another romantic relationship doesn't create additional time or emotional resources… it divides the resources that already exist.
For example, suppose I believe my relationship is lacking emotional intimacy. I could invest more time into understanding my partner, communicating with her, spending time together, resolving conflicts, and deepening our connection. If instead I direct some of that energy toward developing another romantic relationship, I haven't increased my capacity for devotion I have redistributed it.
That is where polyamory becomes difficult for me to understand logically. The issue isn't whether someone can feel love for two people. I believe they can. The question is whether romantic love reaches its deepest expression through multiplication or through concentration.
Time is finite. Attention is finite. Emotional energy is finite. There are only so many hours in a day and only so many important decisions, intimate moments, hardships, and responsibilities that two people can share. Adding another romantic relationship doesn't create additional time or emotional resources… it divides the resources that already exist.
For example, suppose I believe my relationship is lacking emotional intimacy. I could invest more time into understanding my partner, communicating with her, spending time together, resolving conflicts, and deepening our connection. If instead I direct some of that energy toward developing another romantic relationship, I haven't increased my capacity for devotion I have redistributed it.
That is where polyamory becomes difficult for me to understand logically. The issue isn't whether someone can feel love for two people. I believe they can. The question is whether romantic love reaches its deepest expression through multiplication or through concentration.
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thechik96 · 31-35, F
@userfawkes1105 ah. I also don't view it as I'm lacking somewhere so I need someone else in that department personally. I view it as I love this person as well more than a friend and have the capacity to love them just as fully as my husband. It's a difference in the peoples ability to love different ways I guess.
@thechik96 To me, saying you love two people romantically “just as fully” kind of defeats the meaning of fully. What’s the point of calling it full devotion if that same devotion is being given twice? At some point “fully” stops meaning fully and just means “as much as I’ve decided to give each person.” Just from a logical standpoint of the definition of fully.
But I do respect your perspective. I think we just have fundamentally different ideas of what romantic love and full devotion mean, and that’s okay. I’m not saying you don’t genuinely feel the love you’re describing… I just can’t reconcile that definition of “fully” with my own understanding of commitment.
But I do respect your perspective. I think we just have fundamentally different ideas of what romantic love and full devotion mean, and that’s okay. I’m not saying you don’t genuinely feel the love you’re describing… I just can’t reconcile that definition of “fully” with my own understanding of commitment.
thechik96 · 31-35, F
@userfawkes1105 again it's the same as loving 2 children fully. It's plausible when done properly
Katie01 · F
I worry that I'd cheat even if I was in a poly relationship 😭
CactusJackManson · 51-55, M
Northwest · M
People argue polyamory is an excuse to cheat....
They do?
gregloa · 61-69, M
It’s going behind the back of Jesus. Question, how many women are allowed to have multiple husbands?
Mamapolo2016 · F
thechik96 · 31-35, F
@Mamapolo2016 I guess those individuals aren't seeking or finding trustworthy partners. Poly doesn't work without genuine good people. Unfortunately there's more bad than good in this world but... It's truly special when you find your people
Mamapolo2016 · F
@thechik96 I found mine. Neither of us arrived as a group plan. It WAS truly special. I am unconcerned with what others choose to do, but quite specific with my own agreements.
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ShenaniganFoodie · 41-45, M
😐
thechik96 · 31-35, F