'blue' for me, like tranquility, lol..but as an artist I must tell you that 'black' is not a 'color' but only a shade, as 'white' is not a 'color' but only a tint..'colors' have 'hue' ; that distinctive element is what makes them a color ; white and black do not have that element..I am sad for you that so much bad has happened to you in your life that you no longer see color in your life but only the the shadow of darkness..I would say some things need to change in your life to restore your ability see the beauty of life and the joy it's 'colors' can bring..imho 😉