@DancingStarGoddess: I feel as though I could quickly change things around if I put my head down but it seems unlikely for now.

Maybe I could take baby steps.

@InternetExplorer: i'd say baby steps is a good AND realistic approach. It's a lot better than doing sort of a "New years Resolution-Esque" thing where you stop everything and force yourself into some position that feels completely alien to you as you'd hate it, you wouldn't feel like you were being true to yourself, and would soon fall back to old habits, thus feeling like you failed to some capacity, which would just discourage you even more. starting small, and working up from there is smart. You're incredibly bright, just have to give yourself a chance to take the shade off the lamp so to speak. Shine a little bit sometime. brightly if it suits, Cheers.