You sound like my son in his 20’s even though I did not bring him to this world yet, but I kind off know that this will be his feelings, especially that he will feel lost in his life and afraid to break any promises he made for me, which is to never marry any lady who has a toxic mother or she is toxic herself, because both makes a good person’s life like hell.
Wish I could hug you right now and make you shout while crying instead of you putting your face on the pillow and crying your pain out behind closed doors🥺