Loving yourself is one of the hardest things you could teach yourself. It's either society that buried the "I'm not pretty enough" thought in your head, or it's you who tries to self-sabotage your own worth and beauty.

As you mentioned, you are feeling insecure, specifically about hating the fact that you're "fat." You immediately assumed that having a bigger/chubby body/face means less beauty and is less appealing. Do you also think this way about others who have the same body/face shape as you? But I'm not here to blame you; I understand your situation because I've also been there before.

To think of it, when did you start feeling insecure? Is it because you always look at others and compare yourself to them?

I'm sure you've already heard the "we all have different beauty" or the "we are all beautiful in our own way" messages from others. It is true. Listen to them.

You mentioned that you tried your best to make yourself pretty, but how can you feel pretty if you're constantly reminding yourself that the person you see in the mirror is ugly and that her beauty is not enough? No matter what people say to comfort you, it will be useless if you keep reminding yourself that you have flaws. Instead of hating your features, try to embrace them. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it's better to compliment yourself during terrible times than to talk shit about yourself.