Lostpoet

I tripped and I fell I caught the next train out of hell because baby that place was getting strange
The happiest day-The happiest hour-my blighted heart has known-The highest hope of pride and power -
I hath flown. - Edgar Allen Poe

You say that we are the same but it was you playing all the games

I wish we could all be coked out strippers with bad hearts🖤🔪🩸




I've stolen a kiss
Taken a pill
Fallen for that girl
next door
Her eyes crystal blue
Hair sandy blonde
With a face that's never sore


The story of poet


Time ticks while I sit still
Did they ever discover happiness in a pill
Did my sister ever find her thrill
Did my brother ever lose his will

I left home when I was still ill
Met people that gave me a will
Found love in a girl that was real chill
Found myself, got ill and then got well again

And now I find myself remember'n
Writing shit down with a blunt pen
I wonder if I'll ever go back there again
and visit old friends

They say if you go back
You'll never come back again
You get three chances to come up
And then you drown

Three more days and maybe
I won't be a round
I just want one more chance
To see the world in slow dance

The hunger in me
My thoughts still feed
I tried another vice
I tried to bleed

But it didn't work
My mind still says feed
I still have the need
I'll never be free

I count the i's there's
Too many, but I can't stop this rhythm
If I put the pen down
I won't pick it up again


I run out of fear - I run to disappear

I run from the absence of you

I run from solitude

I run from deception, depression

from the overwhelming need of self expression

O god have I become - the reasons I run

I run from old age - an early grave

From the fear of slowly fading away

I run from sleep - the evil things that creep

I run from melancholy - sloth

from the fear of never being good enough.

I run from pain which is pleasure

from Insanity that's hard to measure

I run from a future that is uncertain

From never quite workin'

O God - have I become the reasons I run

I run from family, faith and friends

the knowledge that all things must end

I run from the wanting of ending

From the always decending

Always up ending - always mending

I dont know what to do,

will I always be running from you,

O God - will I always be on the run?



[b]To my brother.[/b]

Byu on two ........ my brother calls out

Down
set
hit
And off I split

Down gravel road
Like a polar bear
On black top concrete
Hay un Polar Bear
Racing down the street

My brother with quick
Dancer feet throws a javelin
High arching spin
Like a Latin Achilles
He has my father's olive skin

And while

The stream follows me
Stride by stride
My brothers javelin still
High Arching in the sky
Some 15 years later

My outstretched hands
Still aching to make a v
for victory As the ball
sails over my left shoulder
Game over. The spike the spin

The crowd hidden
In bushes And trees
cheers down on me
Yo Soy! El Polar Bear



4:37 a.m.

The water drop quivers on a blade of grass
My digital device blasts far and away Philip Wesley

What makes the seed sapling grow
Is it a soul?
And who then brings the blight
And why does it come only by night

I know the hour and place
where the blank pages begin
And how is it a sin?

( I want to put in words
the curve of your back )

Yes

I have lost someone that I loved, but you sister, have lost a child from above.
How sis did you get through?

Yes

I have sinned and left the sin stinging to my skin but father have you not sinned?
How father did you get through?

And I have watched you there
just beneath the stair with 🥺
your hands wriggling in your hair
for a brother who left without a care
Mother.. how did you get through?

And why is there no delete
for memories
Stuck On Repeat, repeat, repeat
The endless deceit
Of days in the street

I ly down in the street
and close my eyes
and repeat from memory

What one writes is not reality
but dreams unslept
Sleep, sleep, sleep.

An open prayer

I come to you with these words in humble prayer, "Please God just be there."

Be there when ma ain't well
Be there when I'm dope sick and fearing hell.

Just be there because I don't believe you are
Be there because father said you were
Be there when I am left alone far from family and home.

Be there when I have no one left
Be there as I try to commit the short death

Be there when I finally choose the right
Be there as I try to make it through the night

Be here now that I'm going straight
Please God just be here cause I'm turning at the gate.

I am walking across the street, walking past the people you forgot to meet.
Going towards my endless retreat
noticing no footsteps next to me.

O God can you hear the sound
Of the bottle smashing the ground.
I am on my knees, God please, forgive me!



Starving for Mary

I Eat and you leave me. I Drink
- and my thirst for you is gone
It is in the pit of my stomach
- the memories of you are drawn

I think. And without you
- my thoughts are empty
My dreams are of you - alone
- You are the season to my ending
I am the broken arrow

These sunken ribs, boney shins
- are the scars that I must carry
For the days I've gone without you
- O my sweet Mary

I hunger for your embrace
- I thirst for the day
That we will again be two
- And it will again be just me & you

For miles and miles - I will creep
- through the blinding snow
And the lonely streets

Nor will I eat or drink or sleep
- 'till one day you comeback to me
And I will drop down to your feet
- And you will look down at me
at my Emaciated face, my weary being

Tell me then... will you leave?

Sweet Mary

Mary.. Mary where do you go
when the world begins to slow
And the light outside gets low
and I see you there - mary
staring out the window

The seasons may change
but your face remains the same
(I change too - mary)

Do you go back to your childhood home
The farm your birthplace - back
to your mother's warm embrace
To the smell of your father's hands
Like homemade wheat and yeast
a brewery in mid October

And did it trouble your adolescent mind
to find
that a father's hands
weren't always so kind

You ran, didn't you, mary
but your running was aimless
So that now at forty
you find yourself back at the front door
Of that childhood home

Back to that old door-knocker
that barely hung on with one loose nail
and still does... Turn around, mary!

Come back to me... come back to bed

Two leaves blowing in the wind, hath no meaning! - mary

Come back to me... come back to bed

And let me erase
all those
devilish things he did.

The Story of Mary


Lost & Found

She holds me down
- with her - sad, sad, frown
Red lipstick, white nightgown
- she is the cream - I swirl in thick
She makes me love - sound of coffee drip

I am again - the boy lost in lust
- she is my sin - she is my crutch
I shall never love - love this much
- she pulled me out - of the darkest pit
She clothed my skin - she made me fit

She took me in - when I was lost
- she brought me back from
my darkest thoughts - thoughts of suicide
- a living hell - she made the world
A world worth living well - she is my queen
- my own Jezebel - So I took to pen
Just to write her this - and thank her for
- bringing me back with a kiss


She comes to me sometimes, mostly on the nights I throw my little fit and sleep outside on the grass in my sleeping bag.

I close my eyes and take deep breaths and remember the scent, deep breath and then that scent; like some sort of flower with vanilla extract.

I hear her feet in the tall grass, her foot steps both gentle and fast. She climbs in next to me in my zipped up bag. I am huddled in the corner, so that she has plenty of room.

" How are you John?" She leans in and whispers in my ear. With the scent of flowers. Flowers, like the ones I used to steal from my mothers flower bed.

I would run outside and eat the petals off of them as fast as I could, so that I wouldn't stop myself because I knew how it upsets her. But the taste and silky feel it left on my tongue made it too tempting.

"John... john? well, aren't you going to kiss me John?" She asks in her childish pout.

' No, Marry, just leave me. Please.'

( I love you more dear.)

She lays her head on my chest, but I can't feel anything. I focus on the smell of flowers.

'Marry, do you remember those nights in my room, how you let me in, how you told me, can we go back to then?'

I fell in love with your words before my fingers ever traced an inch of you.


" Touch me John, please?"

' I can't, marry, You won't be there.'

I close my eyes and focuse on the smell of flowers. And imagine myself sinking in the ground, sinking six feet down. And I imagine what it would be like to be there for eternity, eternity, just her and me.



" Do you still love me John?"

'Go away, please Marry!'

" Touch me John, and let me go."

' No, I don't want to let you go. I just want you to leave. I want to be alone. You know that when I reach for you, and you're not there, you'll disappear.

" We all disappear John. We are born and then we are gone. Just like the night light that flickers off and then on."


' But I need you marry, you know this, you know that I can't stand to be here alone. I won't let you go, and be on my own again.

You were the voice that I spent my days listening to even when everybody was laughing at me. It was you who I couldn't stand to leave me. But you did leave me, marry!'


" Oh, you are such a little boy John. Touch me?"

I am a boy, I am a boy, I am a...

My fingers twitch at my side and she is gone


My promise to you

I love you more dear
This is clear
I love you more
than my childhood fear

I love you more - than
the first cold beer
As the sun rises
And I see the trees
And feel the grass grow
And my mind and body grows too

I love you more - than
The sound of rain
As it whips my window panes
And the feeling I get
While in my study

I love you more - than
These scars, callused hands
Sweat dried skin
That makes me a man

I love you more - than
My childish daydreams
When the women
Used to come to me

I love you more
yes this is true
I love you more dear
than my solitude

I love you more than
There art stars in the sky
I love you more
than me, myself, and I

And I'll keep on
Loving you
More and more
'till the day I die.


Jumbled Thoughts

This madness, madness with in a pill
This unquenchable desire to not be ill

I was a child, alone
In that room, that tomb
That was my favorite time
alone, alone, alone

My friend Dan, we started a band
"The Stud Monkeys"
No girls

My flower, my sweet
I used to watch her for hours
Her long blonde hair

Slut, whore!
The slam of the door
One hit can kill
The egg cracked on a frying pan

I don't love you. I can't

Flowers only bloom but once
For an instant and then decay
alone, alone, alone

alone I sit in my embitteredness

[b]Grey sky[/b]


The grey smoldering room
light rain shadowed to the wall
mother sitting small
Upon the upright couch

Her hair is as grey, as the
days sky, face full of rain
The world is about to stop
I try to say, but then

Two bright globes flash in
Through the shaded window
mother I am dying
I am trying to explain

I look down at my cup of tea
at the myriad colors
of swirling liquid and drink

there is lipstick on the rim
My fingers, unconsciously
travel to my fat lips
It can't be mine, can it

Mother, how can I explain
It is this room, this house
mother I will be dead soon

I hear the slam of a car door
the swift shuffling of feet
like the beating of wings
my heart skipping a beat

My farther, bursts Into the room
I love my father
Mother, forgive me.


Ay... In the temple's valley Dare we climb ?

We gully kids we had our time
But the rocks and weeds
we scraped our knees
then made scars so deep
They will never fade

It's been ten years since our last try
Remember that time we got that high

And Though it seems
the years have past us by

Tonight I say
we give it another try
Over barns and brooks
our voices shall cry
tonight tonight we will not die

Let's walk again down temple street
where the kateedids and night crawlers meet
and the potatoe bugs
with their thousand tiny feet

Over rocks and lakes
let's cast Our youth !

And drink again
from life's temperate well
And forget that actions
determine heaven or hell

Up through the purple mountains let's climb
let's play again
in dawns golden time

And from the temple's height
we shall look down on dusk's dying light
and not be afraid
to go gently into the grave night.

[b]In childhood[/b]

Where is the madness?
And where are the people?
I hear birds chirping
It is 10:30 on a sunday
In the middle of suberbia Utah

Where are the children screaming
In youthful delight - and where
are their mothers?

I am out here mad as a loon
reading out loud
from a book of poetry
hoping to start something
( a catalyst to insanity? )

Is the sun bored of us?
we insects that scuttle awkwardly
Silent in our minds

Sorry about that : )
Here's the poem

It was in childhood - where
I learned that birds
can sway the tops of trees

That the caterpillar doesn't mean
to tickle your arm as it crawls
On its knees

And the yard dog
Jumps up
Out of love


I watch the child play
As myself
He has the same taste
Preferring the gully's hidden places
To the park's swings and cages

With stick in hand
He lifts the rock
Waiting to strike
At anything that might
Give him a shock

I watch him jump back
stand still a moment
either to admire
or laysentence
All I hear is the sound
of rock echoing

He makes a pile of his conquests
hoping to impress me

I'm impressed
and perhaps a little jealous

(His pile being twice the size
mine ever was.)

I kneel down and look him
in the eye " You know, you have to eat what you kill."

And with a face already accustomed to defiance,

He says " I will, when I'm done."

And off he runs, laughing, knowing.

He had me fooled.

[b]When I was a bird[/b]

The hungar drives me upward

To trace the peaks with my beak

I breathe in and let out a cry

That burrows the mice as I fly

This is my domain the evening sun glistens on my black feathered back

I am power and force

moving mountains with the flick of my wing



Higher and higher I climb

'Til the world is nothing but a pebble compared to my ancient being


And when I am satisfied with my Earthly height

I dip my head toward gravel and dirt Down I dive feeling the wind through my Feathers

I am king


farther and faster I fall until I fear

I will explode I want to explode

I race the sinking sun and as the

Sun sinks and dies I too sink and die



There is no longer hunger nor need or desire

left in me sink sink I want to sink into nothingness what bliss nothingness



In this placid place I am an empty face

I shall no longer crave again the fat beetle Sun bathing on a leaf

means nothing to me



Farther and farther I sink

faster and faster I think

I will never be free

I'm still bound to the domain god created

I can only be and experience so much

And I am left feeling empty inside



I spent to long playing among the trees

The nighthawk sang too peacefully

The summer being too short and
I have always been in want to linger



I am that bird you find on the ground

as you are walking absent minded

Down the street do not feel bad

that's were I chose to sleep


[b]What I thought was You...[/b]

Do you know what keeps me up at night?

It's the thought of you never being there. It's the thought of reaching for you in the dark and touching your soft cheek and never receiving those lips the gentle kiss of your soft reply.

To awaken in the morning and never having a reason to stay in bed. It's the thought that I will grow old and never leave the house. Yes, the thing that sends the shivers down my spine is the thought that you will never be mine.

While showering I will never play the game, of one - in - twenty - chance, which bottle is the men's shampoo.

It's never experiencing the strange kind of jealousy that comes from the fight between man and his former best friend Lou dog for the affection of the same girl.

It's the always longing, always going, but never being found.

But the thing that truly scares me?

Is never saying those two little words, "I do." and watching your sweet eyes turn a darker shade of blue.


Dad's house

Let's go back
to where it all began
Back to when you two
still held hands
Under the quaker tree
opposite the stream

You two are sitting together,
dad mom's on your knees
How honest and youthful
you two seemed
days in the 70s
must have been a different scene

What is it about growing old
that makes love a little harder to hold
Is it because mom got fat, or that
we kids never did carry around halo's

But rather played Halo obnoxiously
On your big screen TV
And though you went to college
and I've always been amazed
by your mind
You turned truck driver
Working 5 to nine

With mom by your side
& god in your heart
How could all of us
fall so far apart
It is hard I know -
I've always been told
that I am hard to reach
short yes on speach

But I want to be there
I want you to see
That life is happening
outside of "Fox" on Cable TV.
I know I have my own flaws
Writing my feelings on this here app

(what kind of grown man does that?)

And yes this rhyme scheme
is killing me too
But dad this is the only way
I know how to talk to you

Dad, in all seriousness, I love you.
And maybe some day
I will show you this
But no I don't or won't expect a kiss


A Poem to my best friend
( this doesn't make me gay)

To the paddle hogging miscreant
The dark skinned lover of women

To the faygo drinking, cigarette smoking,
420 sinner

To the black star
Sunday prayer

To the loving father of two beautiful girls
And now a boy

To the memories of stumbling down empty streets with four fingers rum and coke
hidden descretely in fountain drinks

To the only person I ever warmed up to
To the all out partier and keeper of secrets
To the headbanger to bad music


To the good times and losing it all
To the only person I ever considered a friend

Here's to the memories of you
and the hope that someday
we can live them again.

Factory slave

God made, factory breed
The new day's slave
I'll work until I'm dead

But for now
The day is almost through
Time to fill my plate
With the things I desire

And make sure it's brought
By a pretty girl with long fair hair
That's nice and sweet
maybe a little too upbeat

Bring me a steak
As big as my plate
and as raw and tender
as my body feels

I want beer in a Stein
so big you can drown a Hippo in

And for dessert

Bring back that girl
In an extra short skirt
and another steak
That fills my plate

But hurry quick
For the day is almost a new
The whip and chain
They are calling my name

And the Forman
(That old tool)
Is smirking

Anti-trump/putin propagandas, Lover of nature and Coffee, Books, literature, Art, etc...
You dropped my hand to go play. I dropped yours to walk away. Two world

Poet loves books and what not