I Have a Confession

Their face echoes in my mind,i feel their fingertips,etched in places they never should have been,their perverted eyes all over me,as if i am just a piece of meat who can satisfy thier lusts.One moment i am happy,absolute,the next i am struggling to stay sane.I don't want to remember his touch,his kiss.For decades,I kept a secret.idid not whisper.I did not speak.I did not scream.I did not tell.I did not know how i lived a life of invisibility.A breathing corpse,Wishing for death,suffocating.Faith is what keeps me going.Does anyone see my pain?It's written over my face,what is there to explain,oh no they can't see it cuz i hide it with a smiling face.No one ever know what i am hiding behind,sometimes the counsellor needs the most care and counselling.No one hear my cries Or see the sadness behind my eyes Except Allah swt (God).I have learnt that ultimately it's only Allah who will understand my personal battles and accept my prayers.And that's enough for me but sometimes in moments like these i feel i am no longer innocent or the naive good kid every one thinks i am.I feel like a i was a tool.I remember bits and pieces of it,it haunts me,day in and day out,endlessly,Like a living nightmare,my mind replays each moment,bit by bit.THey have forever changed me,i would have become a really bad person but God,Islam came in and saved me.You may have destroyed my life,you may have destroyed me my emotions,But I want you to remember this,you will never destroy who I am to become,because with God,I am finally able to pull through.My soul is revived by each tear I shed infront of God.HE is the best healer.Its only Allah the ultimate power who can bring peace in my heart and in life.I am pretty teary and while typing this,my thoguhts are not clear but i needed to let it out and i did.my first ever confession.