I Hate Breaking Up With People
Everyone hates having to say Goodbye.
However, sometimes it's necessary.
My own take on it is that it's better to be honest and get it over with than pursue the muddled and time worn path of "breaking it to them gently" or "letting him/her down easily."
No one likes to be rejected and no way of rejecting someone will make that person happy. But being straightforward about it will at least get it over with giving you both a chance to move on.
Here are my protocols for rejecting a clinging lover:
1. Pick a place that is neither your place nor his/hers. Make it a public place with people around but not close. A park, for instance. Early in the day is usually best.
2. Use some tact and sensitivity but do not go overboard with it. Above all, be clear. Do not go into a long explanation and do not allow your brief, clear statement to turn into a debate or argument or even a discussion. Do it in about 2-3 sentences.
Example: "We've had many good times together, Humphrey, but our good times have passed now and it's time for me to move on. We just aren't a match. Best of luck to you, Humphrey."
Example: "Zelda, you are a woman who can make a man very happy. But I have discovered that I am just not that man. It's over, Zelda. Best of luck."
3. Expect a reaction, possibly a chance to turn it into a discussion, debate or argument. The rejectee may ask rhetorical questions ("Are you saying you never loved me? That you were lying that night we spent at the cabin?"!) Do not answer any questions. Just listen. Give the rejectee 1-2 minutes to vent. Not more than 5 minutes. Remember: This is NOT a debate. You do not need his or her permission to break up. You are delivering some news, not asking to debate the merits of a breakup. If the rejectee goes on longer than 5 minutes, put your hand up firmly and say "STOP."
4. Then say, "I can see how strongly you feel about this. Nevertheless, it's over, Humphrey."
5. Leave the area quickly. If the rejectee appears to be extremely distraught, phone one of his or her friends or relatives and briefly explain the situation telling where the rejectee is located. If the rejectee threatens suicide, phone the local suicide hotline giving his/her name, description and location. Walk away but stay in the area watching until help arrives. Leave as soon as help is available and do not attempt to act as a therapist or keep checking on the person.
6. Do not communicate. At all. If this person is in love with you, or strongly attracted to you, ANY communication will tend to restart the relationship, no matter what you think or what he/she says. Just stay away from this person for at least a year or two and know that even then, you might be in danger of restarting it if you spend time with this person. Do not attempt friendship because you feel guilty over hurting them.
7. Have some respect for the rejected person who may very well be much better off without someone who doesn't really appreciate him or her. Think of it as freeing him/her up to find real love.
However, sometimes it's necessary.
My own take on it is that it's better to be honest and get it over with than pursue the muddled and time worn path of "breaking it to them gently" or "letting him/her down easily."
No one likes to be rejected and no way of rejecting someone will make that person happy. But being straightforward about it will at least get it over with giving you both a chance to move on.
Here are my protocols for rejecting a clinging lover:
1. Pick a place that is neither your place nor his/hers. Make it a public place with people around but not close. A park, for instance. Early in the day is usually best.
2. Use some tact and sensitivity but do not go overboard with it. Above all, be clear. Do not go into a long explanation and do not allow your brief, clear statement to turn into a debate or argument or even a discussion. Do it in about 2-3 sentences.
Example: "We've had many good times together, Humphrey, but our good times have passed now and it's time for me to move on. We just aren't a match. Best of luck to you, Humphrey."
Example: "Zelda, you are a woman who can make a man very happy. But I have discovered that I am just not that man. It's over, Zelda. Best of luck."
3. Expect a reaction, possibly a chance to turn it into a discussion, debate or argument. The rejectee may ask rhetorical questions ("Are you saying you never loved me? That you were lying that night we spent at the cabin?"!) Do not answer any questions. Just listen. Give the rejectee 1-2 minutes to vent. Not more than 5 minutes. Remember: This is NOT a debate. You do not need his or her permission to break up. You are delivering some news, not asking to debate the merits of a breakup. If the rejectee goes on longer than 5 minutes, put your hand up firmly and say "STOP."
4. Then say, "I can see how strongly you feel about this. Nevertheless, it's over, Humphrey."
5. Leave the area quickly. If the rejectee appears to be extremely distraught, phone one of his or her friends or relatives and briefly explain the situation telling where the rejectee is located. If the rejectee threatens suicide, phone the local suicide hotline giving his/her name, description and location. Walk away but stay in the area watching until help arrives. Leave as soon as help is available and do not attempt to act as a therapist or keep checking on the person.
6. Do not communicate. At all. If this person is in love with you, or strongly attracted to you, ANY communication will tend to restart the relationship, no matter what you think or what he/she says. Just stay away from this person for at least a year or two and know that even then, you might be in danger of restarting it if you spend time with this person. Do not attempt friendship because you feel guilty over hurting them.
7. Have some respect for the rejected person who may very well be much better off without someone who doesn't really appreciate him or her. Think of it as freeing him/her up to find real love.
70-79, F
