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I Cant Get Pregnant
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I can't get pregnant, and there is nothing I can do about it.

**EDIT** I am aware that not all cisgender women can have children and that this is not a unique issue to the trans community. If I offended anyone, I apologize.

Today I am in my feelings, hard. It doesn't help that is has rained the last three days, and is likely to rain again today. On top of that two of my friends (one from college, and one at work) recently found out they were pregnant. Both were not planned, but both are excited.

To each of their credit, they down played it when we spoke as they know how sensitive of a subject this is for me. And it's getting worse the older I get. I gave them the traditional 'I'm happy for you and can't wait to meet the baby' speech. Hung up the phone or went to lunch and cried.

I will never get pregnant.

I am a trans woman, and I will never get pregnant. To date there have been no successful uterus transplants for women like me. To be clear, it's not just about having and raising a child. It's the experience that I'm missing the most. The feeling of the baby growing, the changes to your body, these are experiences that are uniquely cisgender female. Maybe one day that will not be the case; today, tomorrow, and the foreseeable future it is.

I'm also 34. An age when most cisgender women typically don't have children anymore. My friends are 32 and 33 respectively. They are great mothers to their current children, and I am sure will be to their new babies.

My friend from college, this will be her and her husbands fifth child. After her third child, we went shopping together, and she was lamenting about how pregnancy had changed her body. How hard it was to lose the baby weight, having to buy shoes in larger sizes because they grew for the first time since middle school, and how she hated the stretch marks. When I said I would wear those stretch marks with pride she looked at me bewildered. I told her I would have no problem wearing a bikini with all the stretch marks and baby cellulite showing. It took a quick second, then it clicked. I would never be able to complain about those things.

It taught both of us a lesson, that what we each see as problems, others only wish they were dealing with them. This post is a long reminder to myself not to complain, and don't misunderstand I am not complaining about my life. Just a reminder though that some days are tougher than others.
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Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F
I’m crying with you today because our souls share these feelings.

I could never have children. Just because a woman has a uterus doesn’t mean it works…mine didn’t.

You are absolutely right about mourning the experience. It isn’t just about being a mother…it’s the creating a life and everything that goes with it. I have days where the pain is unbearable. And it’s strange that the pain always settles where I should have been able to carry a child. The pain is truly grieving.

I used to have trouble being around my pregnant friends and family. It’s like you said, you wish them well and they mean well; but it’s so hard. Now, for me, it’s watching them have grandchildren and knowing that too is something I will never experience.

Please know I understand where you are today and it’s okay to grieve. I’ll be thinking about you today.
spearot32 · 31-35, T
[@6912,Pinkstarburst] Thank you for the support.

I hope I didn't give the impression that everyone with a uterus was and is having children. I know that is not the case. If I did, I apologize, that was not my intent.
Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F
[@759626,spearot32] Absolutely not!!! I commented because I wanted you to know that you are not alone…that your sadness is validated by me. It’s easy for people to say to just adopt or carrying a child isn’t what’s important. I’ve learned that they mean well but are sometimes just uncomfortable and don’t understand. I wanted you to know that I do understand. 🤗
Vittoria · 61-69, F
Plenty of cisgender women do have children after 34. It's not unusual these days.

That said, plenty of cisgender women suffer from fertility problems and cannot get pregnant. They undergo a mourning period, often with the help of a therapist, and if they really want to pursue parenthood, they go the adoption/surrogate route. It's the RAISING of a child that matters most in parenthood, not the giving birth to it. Pregnancy lasts only 9 months; childbirth lasts only hours. Parenthood lasts a
lifetime.

I strongly suggest that you see a therapist about this. It will help you make some decisions about your future, among other things. Good luck.

 
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