I Want to Live Alone
Right now, I live with my parents. It gets very suffocating. They still tell me what to do and I feel like I have no freedom. I have never liked sharing a place with someone. And you're probably thinking "Well, how do you know you like being alone if you've never lived alone before?" And the truth is I have before.
When I was in college, I had a roommate as a freshman. She was this really stupid sorority girl. Sure, she would talk to me sometimes when we were both in the dorm together but she never understood me. We were both freshman but unlike me, she already had friends when she first entered college so she would leave me in the dust. Also, she always slept! I would walk into the room after class to chill, do my homework, maybe call my mom. But she would be passed out and would make me be quiet or leave the room. I like to stay up late to do my homework because I'm more of a night person. She would tell me to leave the room and go in the lounge to do my homework so she could sleep. But it was my room too! It would be 9:30p.m. and she would just turn off the lights without asking me. One time, I put my foot down and just turned on my lamp and continued studying. She would leave in a huff. I didn't care. I had an exam the next day and I wasn't going to sleep early because she was.
Sophomore year, I lived with my best friend in one of the school apartments. I thought I would love it because why wouldn't I want to live with my best friend? But I wasn't satisfied with that either because you SHOULD miss your friends so you have the urge to hang out with them. But there was no urge because she was always there! Also, we would grocery shop together since I didn't have a car. She would text me wondering when I'm coming home so we could make dinner together. It felt suffocating after a while. By the end of sophomore year, she admitted she felt the same way about me so we lived in different places the next year. We also lived with two other girls we couldn't stand. We would get into constant arguments about the room temperature, fridge space, kitchen equipment and cleaning the dishes. Me and my friend couldn't deal with them anymore so we moved out of there and into a different area within the apartment that year.
My junior and senior year turned out great as for living arrangements because I had my own room within the on-campus apartment and I had a roommate but she was barely there. I was fine with that because I liked being alone in my own room. That I didn't have someone hovering over me or being rude or annoying to me. It was my own space and I could decide what to do with it. That's when I realized that living alone is the best option for me.
I keep telling my mom that one day I want to live alone and have my own place but she keeps acting as if I'm using reverse psychology when I say that so she can correct me and tell me that I don't need to live alone but I do mean it. If I was a guy, she wouldn't be saying that to me. She just wants me to have a chaperone all the time but I can't live like that. I want to live alone and not depend on anyone. Not feel hovered or have someone live with me that is just there using up space. She keeps acting like the idea of me living alone is sad but she's wrong. It would be sad if I didn't want to live alone but I was. But it's not sad if this is my choice. I wish my parents would consider what it is I want for my life. They have never once asked me because they think I don't know what I'm talking about. But I want to live the way I want because it's my life I'm living. Not theirs.
I'm not stupid though. I know that I am going to have to live with someone when I first get my own place. Especially since I have dreams of living in NYC and I'll never be able to afford an apartment by myself at first. But if I had a roommate, it would only be for the purpose of someone helping me pay rent. I don't want my parents to think this will be like The Golden Girls where we'll magically be best friends. Don't get me wrong. I would like visitors. I would like to invite people to my place to hang out or make dinner for them. Maybe occasionally they can stay over. But them living with me would seem so permanent and claustrophobic.
I do like having family and friends. My parents just need to understand that I don't want to BE alone. I just want to LIVE alone.
When I was in college, I had a roommate as a freshman. She was this really stupid sorority girl. Sure, she would talk to me sometimes when we were both in the dorm together but she never understood me. We were both freshman but unlike me, she already had friends when she first entered college so she would leave me in the dust. Also, she always slept! I would walk into the room after class to chill, do my homework, maybe call my mom. But she would be passed out and would make me be quiet or leave the room. I like to stay up late to do my homework because I'm more of a night person. She would tell me to leave the room and go in the lounge to do my homework so she could sleep. But it was my room too! It would be 9:30p.m. and she would just turn off the lights without asking me. One time, I put my foot down and just turned on my lamp and continued studying. She would leave in a huff. I didn't care. I had an exam the next day and I wasn't going to sleep early because she was.
Sophomore year, I lived with my best friend in one of the school apartments. I thought I would love it because why wouldn't I want to live with my best friend? But I wasn't satisfied with that either because you SHOULD miss your friends so you have the urge to hang out with them. But there was no urge because she was always there! Also, we would grocery shop together since I didn't have a car. She would text me wondering when I'm coming home so we could make dinner together. It felt suffocating after a while. By the end of sophomore year, she admitted she felt the same way about me so we lived in different places the next year. We also lived with two other girls we couldn't stand. We would get into constant arguments about the room temperature, fridge space, kitchen equipment and cleaning the dishes. Me and my friend couldn't deal with them anymore so we moved out of there and into a different area within the apartment that year.
My junior and senior year turned out great as for living arrangements because I had my own room within the on-campus apartment and I had a roommate but she was barely there. I was fine with that because I liked being alone in my own room. That I didn't have someone hovering over me or being rude or annoying to me. It was my own space and I could decide what to do with it. That's when I realized that living alone is the best option for me.
I keep telling my mom that one day I want to live alone and have my own place but she keeps acting as if I'm using reverse psychology when I say that so she can correct me and tell me that I don't need to live alone but I do mean it. If I was a guy, she wouldn't be saying that to me. She just wants me to have a chaperone all the time but I can't live like that. I want to live alone and not depend on anyone. Not feel hovered or have someone live with me that is just there using up space. She keeps acting like the idea of me living alone is sad but she's wrong. It would be sad if I didn't want to live alone but I was. But it's not sad if this is my choice. I wish my parents would consider what it is I want for my life. They have never once asked me because they think I don't know what I'm talking about. But I want to live the way I want because it's my life I'm living. Not theirs.
I'm not stupid though. I know that I am going to have to live with someone when I first get my own place. Especially since I have dreams of living in NYC and I'll never be able to afford an apartment by myself at first. But if I had a roommate, it would only be for the purpose of someone helping me pay rent. I don't want my parents to think this will be like The Golden Girls where we'll magically be best friends. Don't get me wrong. I would like visitors. I would like to invite people to my place to hang out or make dinner for them. Maybe occasionally they can stay over. But them living with me would seem so permanent and claustrophobic.
I do like having family and friends. My parents just need to understand that I don't want to BE alone. I just want to LIVE alone.
31-35, F