I Found My Soulmate
Part II. Watching her slip away.
So there I was, the girl of my dreams right beside me. We were both head over heels in love with each other and nothing else mattered. I had never felt this kind of love in any of my other relationships. Maybe because a part of me, from back then, had always been yearning for her. We both knew it was a rare thing we had found, and were determined to make it work. The circumstances under which we got together though, were less than favourable. She'd broken up her 5 year relationship and just a week later, we got together. We wanted to take things slow, but it just wasn't happening. Besides the problems were already mounting. One of the main reasons she had to break up before had been her Dad. She just didn't couldn't bring herself to stand up to her dad. He was all about authority and looked down upon folks, lets say, not having the same social status as himself. He wanted her to get married to a guy of his choosing who was on the same level as him. After she got back home, all was good for a while. Her Dad had given her one year, after which she had to get married no matter what. We thought we could make it work. By that time I woulda been in a position to go up to him and tell him that I wanted his daughter in my life. But this guy, was moody and unpredictable. It was as if he just couldn't stand seeing her live her life in peace. 3 months in, we were still crazy in love and going strong. I was her soul mate, her boyfriend, her best friend, her therapist and her personal adviser all packed into one. She felt guilty about her previous relationship and used to get depressed about it, fearing this too would end up the same way. Every time she was down, I'd pick her right back up and made sure she'd be laughing before we went to bed each night.And then it started. Her dad started the mental torment. Everyday he'd talk to her about her marriage and how it's gonna be and how he'd plan everything. He even started bringing in proposals. This happened everyday to the point where she just couldn't bear it anymore. That coupled with her guilt about the ex, she was falling into depression slowly, and this is where the distance really affected us. There's a limit to how much I can comfort her, be there for her when she's down and at her worst. When all she needed was a warm hug to make her sorrows disappear,I was helpless being so far away. And our jobs didn't make things any easier. There was no way we could see each other for a while. It got harder and harder and each night she went to bed, I knew she was crying and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about it. I gave it my all though. I just lost myself completely trying to fix her. She was my first priority no matter what I was up to. Biggest mistake I made in my life. I dunno what she was thinking, it all happened too fast for my mind to actually believe it. Too much stuff happened all at once and too many feelings involved to explain it. In the end, She pushed me out and started ignoring me. She became cold and indifferent and told me she needed space. And time to figure out what to do. The girl who just 2 weeks ago, at the the time, had told me to never ever let her go...in a matter of days was saying she doesn't feel anything for me anymore. It was like she woke up one day and all her feelings were gone, and I was supposed to just believe it and walk away. I finally gave her the space she needed after a lot of fighting. Our first fight. I gave her time to think, clear her head and come back to me. She used that time to try and make me hate her. And finally when I was at my limit, she wanted to break up. Not in person though, oh no. She couldn never do that. We broke up over the phone. That was the worst thing that she could have ever done. I had always loved her unconditionally. What I asked in return was a little affection and a little faith. That's it. She couldn't even give me that . The girl who I loved more than myself, was walking out of my life and leaving me in a pit of depression, from which I time n time again, got her out of. And she didn't even have the decency to tell it to my face. It wasn't the fact that she broke up that destroyed me. It was the way she did it. It was as if I was nothing to her, after all that we'd been through to get to that stage. I realized there was nothing I could do. She had made up her mind. She didn't have the courage to go against her dad and so she chose the easier path. I never got closure. For me, what followed was utter loneliness. I was assigned my first contract. My first sail, far away from all family and friends. I was all alone, with a handful of people who don't really care, in the middle of the ocean, battling depression. I had never felt more alone in my life. I don't think I've completely picked myself up. I still have random mood swings. My mind still gets screwed up when I think about it and I've lost all interest in having a relationship. I put on this mask for everyone else to see, the hyperactive idiot. Truth is, if I'm not doing something to get the adrenaline pumping, my mind wanders into places I don't want it going. For now, I'm playing it safe and just going with the flow. Maybe it'll all be better as time goes by. After all, time heals everything.
Well, that' s about it I guess. If you're still here reading this, thank you for your time :)
So there I was, the girl of my dreams right beside me. We were both head over heels in love with each other and nothing else mattered. I had never felt this kind of love in any of my other relationships. Maybe because a part of me, from back then, had always been yearning for her. We both knew it was a rare thing we had found, and were determined to make it work. The circumstances under which we got together though, were less than favourable. She'd broken up her 5 year relationship and just a week later, we got together. We wanted to take things slow, but it just wasn't happening. Besides the problems were already mounting. One of the main reasons she had to break up before had been her Dad. She just didn't couldn't bring herself to stand up to her dad. He was all about authority and looked down upon folks, lets say, not having the same social status as himself. He wanted her to get married to a guy of his choosing who was on the same level as him. After she got back home, all was good for a while. Her Dad had given her one year, after which she had to get married no matter what. We thought we could make it work. By that time I woulda been in a position to go up to him and tell him that I wanted his daughter in my life. But this guy, was moody and unpredictable. It was as if he just couldn't stand seeing her live her life in peace. 3 months in, we were still crazy in love and going strong. I was her soul mate, her boyfriend, her best friend, her therapist and her personal adviser all packed into one. She felt guilty about her previous relationship and used to get depressed about it, fearing this too would end up the same way. Every time she was down, I'd pick her right back up and made sure she'd be laughing before we went to bed each night.And then it started. Her dad started the mental torment. Everyday he'd talk to her about her marriage and how it's gonna be and how he'd plan everything. He even started bringing in proposals. This happened everyday to the point where she just couldn't bear it anymore. That coupled with her guilt about the ex, she was falling into depression slowly, and this is where the distance really affected us. There's a limit to how much I can comfort her, be there for her when she's down and at her worst. When all she needed was a warm hug to make her sorrows disappear,I was helpless being so far away. And our jobs didn't make things any easier. There was no way we could see each other for a while. It got harder and harder and each night she went to bed, I knew she was crying and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about it. I gave it my all though. I just lost myself completely trying to fix her. She was my first priority no matter what I was up to. Biggest mistake I made in my life. I dunno what she was thinking, it all happened too fast for my mind to actually believe it. Too much stuff happened all at once and too many feelings involved to explain it. In the end, She pushed me out and started ignoring me. She became cold and indifferent and told me she needed space. And time to figure out what to do. The girl who just 2 weeks ago, at the the time, had told me to never ever let her go...in a matter of days was saying she doesn't feel anything for me anymore. It was like she woke up one day and all her feelings were gone, and I was supposed to just believe it and walk away. I finally gave her the space she needed after a lot of fighting. Our first fight. I gave her time to think, clear her head and come back to me. She used that time to try and make me hate her. And finally when I was at my limit, she wanted to break up. Not in person though, oh no. She couldn never do that. We broke up over the phone. That was the worst thing that she could have ever done. I had always loved her unconditionally. What I asked in return was a little affection and a little faith. That's it. She couldn't even give me that . The girl who I loved more than myself, was walking out of my life and leaving me in a pit of depression, from which I time n time again, got her out of. And she didn't even have the decency to tell it to my face. It wasn't the fact that she broke up that destroyed me. It was the way she did it. It was as if I was nothing to her, after all that we'd been through to get to that stage. I realized there was nothing I could do. She had made up her mind. She didn't have the courage to go against her dad and so she chose the easier path. I never got closure. For me, what followed was utter loneliness. I was assigned my first contract. My first sail, far away from all family and friends. I was all alone, with a handful of people who don't really care, in the middle of the ocean, battling depression. I had never felt more alone in my life. I don't think I've completely picked myself up. I still have random mood swings. My mind still gets screwed up when I think about it and I've lost all interest in having a relationship. I put on this mask for everyone else to see, the hyperactive idiot. Truth is, if I'm not doing something to get the adrenaline pumping, my mind wanders into places I don't want it going. For now, I'm playing it safe and just going with the flow. Maybe it'll all be better as time goes by. After all, time heals everything.
Well, that' s about it I guess. If you're still here reading this, thank you for your time :)
