I Miss You More Than You Will Ever Know

Jake,

It's been a while. And for some ungodly reason, I don't feel you anymore. It's been very tough and I sometimes feel numb at how lonely and dark I feel. I tried to hear your last voicemail, but I lost my charger to my old phone. I really just want to hear you say everything is fine. I want you to tell me how stupid some of the decisions I've made are, and I want you to tell me that not every man in my life will use me or neglect me. "There's still guys out there like me, don't you want a guy like me?" you asked me once. I want you to tell me good things come to those who wait.

Bad things happen to good people. You and I both know.

I'm tired, Jake. I'm really nervous about my future. I'm nervous about myself. I don't know if I'm ever going to be good enough for anyone.

I would give anything in the world right now to call you, but instead, I'm on this dumb website writing my thoughts out and pretending you're listening.

I have a wet pillow, and cat that is trying her hardest to cuddle me, but I can't get comfortable.

You were the brother I never had.

Missing you is the worst.