I Try to Be Kind to Everyone
It is as if she is a ghost with unfinished business. When I was her, I couldn’t save my father. I don’t know if there was anything I could do to save him from his own self-defeating thoughts. But now that she is no longer a physical being, she has the ability to help me.
If you were to imagine one person’s reality, and what it looked like while it is stored inside their subconscious, I would imagine it to be a long hallway of certainty and familiarity. Each situation they enter is like entering through one of the doors in this hallway. Each room’s reality is different because different aspects of the situation affect your perception of the reality while you are in it.
She does not have her own hallway, she lives in my hallway and when I reach a point where my emotions get too out of control, she jumps in and experiences them for me, so that I don’t have to.
The only way she is able to aid me in this way, is by continuing to be oblivious to the fact that she does not have her OWN reality, if she did, she would know that once she succeeds in her current mission, there is no fairytale ending. Happily ever after does not begin as soon as she conquers this room.
This little girl saved me, I know that I will be eternally grateful to her for rescuing me when I needed it the most. She was there for me when everyone else in my life turned their backs on me. I do not want to turn my back on her, nor do I want her to fail. She has suffered through too much because of my dysfunctional life that I am going to repay my debt by ending her suffering and finally allowing her to feel a victory by allow her to stay in the victorious reality.
What once saved me, has become what will surely be my demise. Because she does not have a reality of her own, she is completely unaware that the only place she will be when she finally completes her mission… is in another room, behind another backdoor, on another mission that will only lead her to her next door.
A hermit crab does not generate a shell of its own. Instead, it moves into shells that other crustaceans discard. When the crab out-grows one shell, it must wander the ocean floor unprotected until it finds a suitable upgrade.
By setting my little girl free, I will no longer be protected from the intense pain that has rendered me helpless and made my life so unmanageable. But I cannot continue to take advantage of the only person who cared enough about me to help me when I needed it most. She is now in the same predicament I was in when I needed help so desperately, and I am going to be the one who cares about her enough to take the incessant pain from her and set her free from the prison I created for her.
If you were to imagine one person’s reality, and what it looked like while it is stored inside their subconscious, I would imagine it to be a long hallway of certainty and familiarity. Each situation they enter is like entering through one of the doors in this hallway. Each room’s reality is different because different aspects of the situation affect your perception of the reality while you are in it.
She does not have her own hallway, she lives in my hallway and when I reach a point where my emotions get too out of control, she jumps in and experiences them for me, so that I don’t have to.
The only way she is able to aid me in this way, is by continuing to be oblivious to the fact that she does not have her OWN reality, if she did, she would know that once she succeeds in her current mission, there is no fairytale ending. Happily ever after does not begin as soon as she conquers this room.
This little girl saved me, I know that I will be eternally grateful to her for rescuing me when I needed it the most. She was there for me when everyone else in my life turned their backs on me. I do not want to turn my back on her, nor do I want her to fail. She has suffered through too much because of my dysfunctional life that I am going to repay my debt by ending her suffering and finally allowing her to feel a victory by allow her to stay in the victorious reality.
What once saved me, has become what will surely be my demise. Because she does not have a reality of her own, she is completely unaware that the only place she will be when she finally completes her mission… is in another room, behind another backdoor, on another mission that will only lead her to her next door.
A hermit crab does not generate a shell of its own. Instead, it moves into shells that other crustaceans discard. When the crab out-grows one shell, it must wander the ocean floor unprotected until it finds a suitable upgrade.
By setting my little girl free, I will no longer be protected from the intense pain that has rendered me helpless and made my life so unmanageable. But I cannot continue to take advantage of the only person who cared enough about me to help me when I needed it most. She is now in the same predicament I was in when I needed help so desperately, and I am going to be the one who cares about her enough to take the incessant pain from her and set her free from the prison I created for her.
41-45, F
