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I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship

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My bf went to lie down in the other room, and it’s only 7:30 PM. Sometimes he does that. I’ve never liked it. I always worry that something is really wrong. (And he’s been doing this for years; he did it before our trouble started - so this is not something new.)

But I know if I go in there and ask. he’ll just tell me nothing’s wrong and continue to just lie still.

If I could change one thing about him, this would be it.
51-55, F
18 replies
Jun 24, 2019
CharlieZ · 61-69, M
Have you some clue of why this?
SmartKat · 51-55, F
When he goes to lie down, I stick my head in the door to see if he’s asleep - many times, he has fallen asleep.

He doesn’t do this every evening. He does spend many/most evenings hanging out with me, watching TV and talking. I think he’s probably just more tired than usual when he does this. Another thing about it - our cat goes in the bedroom, he follows her, lies down on the bed, and falls asleep.

So I don’t really think it means anything bad, necessarily. But I’m hyper-sensitive and anxious. That’s why I’m talking about it here, ha ha. It triggers abandonment feelings for me, and I think it’s more about me and my issues than it is about him.
CharlieZ · 61-69, M
[@64306,SmartKat] I don´t really know if it would help.
Not only to him but both.

But, have you tried to get in bed with him, while he sleeps, and just take a nap together, spooned?

Perhaps it will make both feel "togetherness" without any preassure.
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You don't like him to lie down....correct?
SmartKat · 51-55, F
[@325434,jetpack] I just feel weird when he goes off in the other room while I’m still up and about.

When I think logically about it, I think this is about my anxiety, more than it’s about him.
Montanaman · 56-60, M
JarJarBoom · 36-40, F
I think its a man thing..its how they deal with a lot of turmoil
SmartKat · 51-55, F
[@21000,JarJarBoom] Yeah, they can do that, ha ha.
JaggedLittlePill · 41-45, F
Men tend to internalize whatever is going on. I totally understand, I would wonder too.
CharlieZ · 61-69, M
Men or most of them are "fixers".

Is it fixable (whatever the problem is or his worry)? DO it!
If you can´t or still don´t know how, go to sleep.

What they do not find useful is "to talk about" if not related to "fix it".
Talking do not "solve" outside the mind.
So, it neither calm emotions if abstract form doing….

Then, why not to sleep?

Maybe if he tells you what is happening, you will feel better.
And he should do it for YOU.
But do not expect that this will make HIM feel better.
If you say that he should, he will feel dimissed.
And rightly so.
GoldenWorm · 46-50, M
My wife is big on early bed times too.
diablesse · 51-55, F
He's probably just tired or needs time alone after a long stressful day.
SmartKat · 51-55, F
[@1047,diablesse] This is my overactive mind getting out of hand.

I know this. I just wish I could make my mind shut up.
diablesse · 51-55, F
[@64306,SmartKat] Instead of trying to get it to shut up, distract it, usually works for me.
After work I wouldn't mind doing that once in a while.
lovelywarpedlemon · 22-25, F
So many questions lol. I don't know your situation, but I know sometimes people need to be alone. What could you do to entertain yourself or make yourself feel better? I feel better when I'm doing something productive for myself. Do you have hobbies?
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I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship
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Updated: 3 wks ago
Categories: Dating and Relationships, Romance and True Love
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My bf went to lie down in the other room, and it’s... | I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship | Similar Worlds