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I Love Food

[big]Here's How to Roast a Turkey[/big]

Thanksgiving is approaching for all my wonderful American friends. And because I've put a LOT of hours into doing this right, I'm going to share my wisdom on turkey with y'all. Life is too short for dry turkey. Don't screw it up. Your family is counting on you.


[b]I Don't Want to Read All of This[/b]

Dry brine it. Give a 12 pound turkey around two hours and 16 pound one around three. You want it done an hour before dinner. Cook at 500 for half an hour, reduce to 350, and then an additional hour for a 12 pound turkey. 15 minutes per pound after that.

[b]Selecting a Turkey[/b]

Buy the best turkey you can afford. This is your family feast. Free range organic hand-raised hipster turkeys are delicious and make a huge difference. You're gonna treat this bird right, and so make sure the ones who raised it treated it right too. If the best turkey you can afford is cheap, then you do you. I don't care what size you get.

Unless you are a turkey pro, don't do a heritage breed. It's a very different kinda bird.

[b]Brine the Damn Thing[/b]

Salt makes things taste good. This will change your life. Do it. Don't be a wimp. Get six tablespoons of kosher salt and a tablespoon baking powder. Mix it up and rub it all over your turkey. Put the turkey in the fridge uncovered for up to three days. More time is better. Just leave it on. It's fine. I promise.

You can also wet brine. Take a half cup of salt, mix it with water, soak in a camping cooler with ice overnight. Don't use baking powder in a wet brine.

[b]Keep it Dry[/b]

If you wet-brined or skipped a dry brine, DRY THE TURKEY OUT. Driest place in your house is your fridge. Uncovered in the fridge overnight. Loads of paper towels. You should be able to run your finger over the turkey skin and snap them clearly.

[b]Don't Stuff It[/b]

Mom was wrong. Turkeys cook too fast nowadays, and by the time they're done the stuffing will have raw turkey juice in it. Save the turkey juice and pour it over the stuffing. It'll be fine.

[b]Roast it Uncovered[/b]

Don't you dare put a lid on that turkey. That's a steamed turkey. You want dry roasting with as much exposure to the oven as possible. Our goal is crispy skin. If you use one of those cooking bags I will find you.

[p]Use a Thermometer[/b]

Don't be folksy. Get the temperature. You want the thigh meat to register at 161 F. Yes it will be pinkish. If you're squeamish you can cook it more. "Falling off the bone" is overcooked.

[b]A 14 Pound Turkey is Around 2 - 2 1/2 hours[/b]

Preheat your oven at 500 degrees F. Put your turkey uncovered on a pan deep enough for drippings but still exposes the side. V rack is best but whatever you got.

If you did not dry brine your turkey, rub it with oil, and cover it with salt and pepper. If you dry brined it, it's good to go.

1. Turkey in oven.
2. Cook for half an hour.
3. Turn heat down to 350 F
4. Cook it for an additional 1 hour for a 12 pound turkey. Check temperature then - it will probably need more time but you can be surprised.
5. Add 15 minutes per pound after that. So a 16 pound bird will be at minimum 2 1/2 hours.
5. Check the temperature frequently. Every oven is different.

[b]LET IT REST[/b]

A full hour before dinner is ready, take the turkey out. Throw some foil on top and let it just hang out. Rest will make the meat juicy. While the turkey is resting roast your stuffing, mash your spuds, and do the other stuff. Don't be scared about it getting cold.
Can you just cook it for me. I sort of burn water. lol
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@DarkHeaven For you, of course <3
@CountScrofula Aww. You me and the wifey are eating good. Yummy.
Dry brines work better if you have a day or two. You also need to be certain your Turkey has not been salted beforehand.

Also, mom was not wrong if shes a mom that cooks the turkey for insane amounts of time.
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@nonsensiclesnail Right on all counts!
Byron8by7 · M
Brining is key, I have found. I use a cup of Kosher salt, a cup of brown sugar, dissolved in water in a cooler to defrost the frozen bird for up to 24 hours.
Byron8by7 · M
@CountScrofula Defrosting and brining in one step.
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@Byron8by7 It is beautiful. The best is it's cold enough here I can just throw the cooler outside and keep it in safe temps without having to babysit it.
Byron8by7 · M
@CountScrofula Exactly. Put it on the porch or out in the garage.
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
Or just deep fry it. 🔥
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@SwampFlower Get them talking to Luke.
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
@CountScrofula I've been trying for months.
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@SwampFlower Get some blessings ready.
SmartKat · 56-60, F
That sounds like a lot of trouble to go to...
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
@SmartKat Rub it in salt, let it sit overnight, and then roast it at high then low. :) You can break anything out to make it seem complicated.
Isn’t this going to come out dry as dust?

I’ve never had deep fried turkey, but I hear it’s the best. I’m hoping to try it eventually.

 
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