I Have Random Thoughts
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Drowning in thoughts...

It's been 4 hours since you went to bed... and I'm still drowning in my thoughts.



I've been trying to find the words to tell you that I do see your point. I've typed a message out several times in inbox just to delete it before I sent it.

I can understand why you feel like I pushed you to the sidelines. The truth is that I'm scared more than I want to show.

I'm getting worse now and have nearly passed out 4 times since you tested positive for Covid19. I know that you are still suffering from the effects of Covid19 and I don't want you to worry about me anymore than you already are.

I remain scared of ending up in a wheelchair - even though I know and accept that a wheelchair just might give me more freedom than I currently have right now because I won't have to worry so much about being in pain or passing out. On the other hand, I'm scared that no one will want me when I'm in a wheelchair.

I was also unreasonable with my comment about you disappearing, too. You don't have to be here for me to talk to you. I know that you will read and respond to me whenever you are online. The main reason for my frustration with that comment was again fear. I've been suffering stomach pain for almost a week now... fortunately, that has now cleared up and given way to another symptom of this illness. I'm sorry that I was so unreasonable - and I do appreciate the fact that you are there for me, no matter what is going on.

 
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