I Love to Write

I wanted to write today. Something gritty and hard hitting and raw. Instead I am faced with emotions that I physically cannot regulate. I can't decide whether I like or loathe what is going on around me and the turmoil messes with my mind. It is my birthday on Saturday and I have been silently ignoring it. Partly because I don't really do birthdays- any organisational stuff has always ended up in a disaster and I am the worst at asking for anything for myself- but also because it marks yet another point in my life where I don't feel like I have been brave enough to be myself.
In my head I constantly rage- I argue with myself to be better and to be braver and to stand up for myself- yet this rage leads to nothing more than frustration with myself.
If anyone has the magic answer to confidence I would love it. I have a difficult couple of weeks coming up and I wish more than anything there was a magic cure to my confidence issues so I could tackle it head on...wish me luck!