I Love to Write

You played on my insecurities by saying you what I wanted to hear , them sweet words that were then razor bladers to my skin , I just wanted you to hold me , wrap me in the finest silk but instead my emotions were a play ground for your entertainment. I wanted to see the light of this cruel , uncaring planet , but instead I seen the coldness in your heart , whilst you helped me see the good in those who had hurt me , admiring their sins that then helped you to damage my reckless soul. Why do I chase you in my dreams ? when everytime I wake up my body is trembling over filled with the pain you made me endure but my dreams of you bring the soft comfort that you once gave me. But you was only a dream , a illusion in my reality , homesick for a place that doesn’t exist whilst I run into your arms that refuse to hold me. I see the beauty in everything well I try to , to the delicate kiss of rain onto the red roses , to the water colour painting in the sky of an unknown artist as in that room full of art my eyes always steered at you as I seen you as a masterpiece, one of my self destruction, as loving you was my self destruction and trusting you was my deadly sin. I ask my myself do you stay awake thinking about me like I do you waiting patiently for your return , loving you is like a fairy tale , but life isn’t a fairy tale it’s an illusion of our night mares. Do you feel any pain from what you caused me ? Do you hate me as much as I think you do ? When all I want is you to love me in return or at least cherish me as a freind. I wonder if your husband has fuliled your sexual desires is that why you removed me from your life ? I wonder if you kept them gifts I gave you when I traveled to sea , my love for you though is deeper than the ocean, I wonder if you still have that card I wrote in with a message deep from the bottom of my heart or did you rip it to shreds like you did my feelings ? The gifts reminds you of me everytime you see them so I wonder if you still had the courage to keep them , I sure do hope so. Maybe we could have wrote another chapter with a happy ending , maybe we met at the wrong time , the wrong place we’re romance is stolen and torn away and hearts are shattered and broken. If you could have seen the damage you had caused would you let me back in your life or would you use that to your own sick entertainment would my pain turn you on ? You turned me on with your beauty but it wasn’t skin deep. You taught me something that nothing is forever only in neverland. Do you value my tears ? Of pain and sorrow. Would you hold my hand as we walk through hell ? as you left me there. I wonder if you would care if I went into an eternal sleep which will end my pain and suffering or would that be an release for you knowing I wasn’t strong enough to face the battles of the earth and knowing there’s no chance of me ever trying to get back into your life. You was unavailable, your actions was wrong , you led me on without no real or true intentions to love me or even to be a true freind to me. [image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image][image]