Its kinda sad but Im still overly conscious of my stomach, overly conscious of making sure nothing hits it. Today I caught myself doing that again.Dog likes to body slam me in the morning, which he hasnt done in a long time. I instincitvely protected my stomach as if my baby is still there when their not. I guess I didnt do it as much during the last week before the miscarriage. Always paranoid about if it was okay to sleep on my stomach or would get worried about bumping into something even if it wasn't even a big deal at all.
Its these moments when I have to remind myself that Im not having a baby in August.I am going to college instead. I try to detach myself at times emotionally because of how painful it is to realize this. "The" baby instead of "my" baby. Its easier to not think of them as being mine.They were never mine to hold anyways.
I get triggered sometimes and then sadness sets in.I was needy while pregnant I think due to hormones. My body seems to be back to normal now.Yet now Im just clingy with people I love or care about. I lost my small family, I dont want to lose anything for a long time if I can help it.