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I Have Had My Heart Broken

I haven't been able to really talk about this until now, and I'm a writer, so think it'll help if I just tell about my first, and last, love. His name is Randy, and I've loved him for four years. I waited two years for him, and dated him for another two. He was also my first kiss.

I guess I just always assumed that love only happened for few people, and that I was not one of those people. I've never had any MAJOR crushes, just a few little ones that eventually faded. I know I was young back then, but love can happen at any age. I met him in 6th grade in band, and I felt like I liked him, but I didn't know what it was, you know? Skipping to a lot later, we eventually became best friends after he noticed that I was stressed about a few things. He made me laugh almost everyday, and I still remember some of the dumb things he did just to impress me.

We started dating on May 10, 2013, and I already knew I loved him. My friends knew, too, but they were worried for me. He had a reputation of being the "trouble maker", but that wasn't true. He just did his own thing, and didn't make much of an effort to follow the rules (That was back then, he's changed a lot since). I was always the shy, awkward type, and he brought out the opposite of that.

That year, a lot was going to hell, and when I lost a lot of my "friends" at a party (They ditched me), he was always there. Randy made everything better, and we told each other everything. We dated until January 3rd, 2014, when he left. His only reason was the "drama" that was going on, but there was none. I never understood that, and I was a complete mess. My actual friends were there, but they didn't understand. He was my anchor.

We eventually became friends again, and he asked me back out on June 20th, 2014, and he said he missed what we had and asked if I could ever forgive him. He also said he never stopped loving me. I accepted, because I was dumb and in love. My friends told me to be careful and to not get hurt, but I didn't listen.

It was different the second time- As if things were truer and wasn't going to hell. My first kiss was after a pep band game outside the band room late at night. It wasn't the most romantic setting to most, but to a band nerd, it's all I ever wanted. That was back on September 19th (I never try to remember the dates, it just happens). We never went a day without saying "I love you", and he called me beautiful when I didn't believe it. I was always afraid of dying, so when I had to be put to sleep for my wisdom teeth, I think I would've refused if he hadn't promised that I would wake up again.

I don't know what changed, but later, I sensed this sadness in him, and there was nothing I could do but to try and be there for him. When that didn't work, I tried to give him some space. He spent a lot of time with his friends, and I got the feeling that maybe, he was going to leave.

I have a keen sense of intuition, and that sense was right on November 30th, 2014. He abruptly said "I'm breaking up with you" with no reason. I asked, but he never said. He was vague, and it hurt so much worse without a reason. I broke down a lot, and I couldn't even look at him until just recently. I still love him, and I write about him a lot, but I don't know. Anyways, this was my story about my first love.

 
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