I Want to Be Respected and Loved As I Am

Impressions... It is a big fear of mine that people place too much weight on appearances and first impressions. I don't know if this is necessarily true, but sometimes, I feel this way. Especially people who pride themselves at being able to easily read other people. The problem is, I'm disgustingly atrocious at first impressions. I'm quiet, shy, awkward, and generally uncommunicative or monosyllabic, unless the other person makes great efforts to break through my barriers.

I know that's all on me, but it frustrates me that people should place so much weight on this first impression. Maybe I'm an outlier, maybe I'm one of a few who do not correspond with the first impressions they exude, but all I know is, that I think that I am really a great person to get to know, if given the chance. But how can I expect to be respected and loved as I am, if I don't give people the chance to get to know me, if I can't meet new people due to my crippling awkwardness and bad first impressions? Why is it so hard to communicate myself to other people? Because I think I could be respected and loved as I am very greatly, but it's just too hard to open up to new people. It makes me seem disinterested, aloof... I'm just glad I have the close friends I do, they were hard enough to make as it is, with my quiet first impression demeanor.