Is it weird to be wanting strangers’ attention rather than loved ones?

I don’t think it is normal.

I know not to care what other people think on different occasions and it’s not really anyone’s business to know all, everything.

I was born weird or messed up.
Strangers? As a young girl, I would throw myself on the floor on purpose to get people looking at me when I was in public and soiled myself. It was to get people to look at me.
Not anymore. I want the opposite but still part of me is saying “I exist, too.”

I remember having a crush on a boy my age I didn’t even know. It was the thought that gravitated me toward him. I didn’t know everything about him.
He looked super mysterious. I like people with mystery as long as they don’t harm others nor themselves.

It’d be better to focus on loved ones rather than strangers. Yes, you still can help someone else but not want validation or someone’s attention.
I feel it’s not fair.