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I Idk
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I'm in a windowless room

With someone else's period stains on the sheets. Thankfully I found a hidden sheet, folded strewn in the corner of the windowsill which "opens" to ... This 😹

Idk if it's got ticks in it but I shook it out & just threw the sheet right over everything on the bed & I think I'm gonna sleep with the lights on --- tomorrow I get to meet their 140 lb dog. Idk why it even concerns me but I'm scared.

I've really turned into quite the sheltered pussy. But I was instantly happy to see my nieces & nephews, got big hugs. That was nice. I have to watch my mouth around the kids & set a good example. They are already so big!!! Makes me feel a lil like a jerk.

Tbh if I had a car I would probably drive out tomorrow, making some excuse. But ask me tomorrow, I'll probably have a different answer.

I don't feel ready for life, & don't allow myself to enjoy much. Just worrying & still under my dad's wing. I would be happy replacing with a controlling husband who'd let me lead from the bottom sometimes hehheh. Not so much terrified of living, as I'm not sure how much I care about dying, just find everything an energy draining inconvenience. Including my own cynical perspective. Being around other people forces me to see myself, hear myself speak. I feel surreal & insecure on a certain level but also like most other people are just idiots & murderous seekers of something they can get their hands on, or not worried with thinking anything about the unknown aspects of life. I'm fine with staying at home these days.

So yeah all that (& more) and with my proclivity & joy of saying "cunt face" just makes me feel like as much as I adore & appreciate the youth & glory of children, I will probably never have my own. Something else that really makes me wonder, since the first half of my life that's all I dreamed about. And I think I'd be really good at it in certain ways. So maybe I'll be the fun auntie.

Well, I'm glad I'm here I guess. I just want to hide now. Part of me would like to go cuckoo & never leave this room til my flight is due. But I know tomorrow morn the need for coffee will call & I'll have to endure the large dog & risk of disease since no one wears masks or cares much about it here. Not to mention I've not found 1 bar of soap in the bathroom & the "clean" towel smelled like turd balls. 😹

I'm just here to freeload & bitch okay??? I miss my fucking cat take me home. Idk why I deserve any of this. I just want my own lil cocoon & merge with a penis in there. 🌞🌻🌹✨🦄🛸🎶💥 Bye
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Haven't they heard of spray n wash. 😜
KA9ha · 31-35, M
[@14748,Zebrawl] its got to be disinfected ,germs and ticks eliminated ,and given a makeover with proper sheetings. maybe its the Attic?
lovelywarpedlemon · 26-30, F
[@997259,KA9ha] lol I was joking about the ticks
KA9ha · 31-35, M
[@417823,lovelywarpedlemon] noooo be very careful...the bloodsuckers..the spit left overs after the ticks bite gets painful to swelling itch..
Just taking this adventure is a step forward but I understand completely. Trying to enjoy life feels like a chore when you just don't feel it.
I woke up today with a similar thought about a husband as replacement but immediately rejected it. 😆
lovelywarpedlemon · 26-30, F
[@472983,CrazyMusicLover] lol!! I mean ideally it'd be an even street but in what world ?? Maybe I could regress to cookin my man up some eggs every morning just to give myself something to live for. 😹 Thanks friend
JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M
Sorry you are staying in a "roach motel." That is gross.

I hope you have some fun times, though, seeing the outdoors.
lovelywarpedlemon · 26-30, F
[@68716,JoyfulSilence] thank you!! It will be worth it
JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M

AdaXI · 41-45, T
Yeah it is a massive jump outta ya normal comfort zone and your brains a little fried taking it all in, I'm sure tomorrow will be better though love.

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