I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future
There is something not quite right about me. I'm sure lots of people say this and you just think 'Yeah well nobody's perfect..' But I actually think there is something quite wrong with me in terms of my head. It's a strange way to start an experience like this but I guess that's just my style of writing.
I can't really explain what's wrong with me. I've tried to a few people, like my parents, teachers, doctors and the psychologists I'm referred to. I am planning on seeing one today too, though on short notice. I don't really know how to cope with this thing I have or how to act as other people do. It's strange.
I will get to a relevant point with this experience, I promise lol. For the first decade or so of my life, this thing I have was used to my advantage. It provoked and encouraged creativity in me. I didn't even know that not everyone was like me. I think it was only when I was around 14 that I saw it as an issue at all. All of a sudden, I couldn't do things that my friends could. I couldn't concentrate and focus like they could. Our logic was different. It was things like that and I recognised it as an issue.
Now, the sort of person I am, if I find an issue within myself, I will ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. If someone else was involved, I would not hesitate to solve it, for their sake. But if it's just me, I won't even address it or acknowledge it's existence.
The people around me have started to acknowledge this issue too. I can deny it all I want, but something is wrong. I guess I'm just scared to find out what it is.
I can't change the past but I can change my future. My exams are in two months. I've been hiding away, under this issue scared that it will ruin my chances at my dreams but what I should have been doing instead was working even harder so I could overcome it. I've been so so stupid. Hopefully I'll be less stupid in the future.
It's time for me to stop hiding and change my life for the better. The nature of my issue means it will be very hard for me, but it must be done. I refuse to wallow in failure and sadness forever.
If I have ever wronged you, please forgive me. If I have ever helped you, please pray for me or wish me well with this. And if you see my around, please tell me to do something productive instead of sitting in my pit of sadness lol.
Thank you all for being here for me and for bothering to read all that. You rock! :)
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood" - Marie Curie.
I can't really explain what's wrong with me. I've tried to a few people, like my parents, teachers, doctors and the psychologists I'm referred to. I am planning on seeing one today too, though on short notice. I don't really know how to cope with this thing I have or how to act as other people do. It's strange.
I will get to a relevant point with this experience, I promise lol. For the first decade or so of my life, this thing I have was used to my advantage. It provoked and encouraged creativity in me. I didn't even know that not everyone was like me. I think it was only when I was around 14 that I saw it as an issue at all. All of a sudden, I couldn't do things that my friends could. I couldn't concentrate and focus like they could. Our logic was different. It was things like that and I recognised it as an issue.
Now, the sort of person I am, if I find an issue within myself, I will ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. If someone else was involved, I would not hesitate to solve it, for their sake. But if it's just me, I won't even address it or acknowledge it's existence.
The people around me have started to acknowledge this issue too. I can deny it all I want, but something is wrong. I guess I'm just scared to find out what it is.
I can't change the past but I can change my future. My exams are in two months. I've been hiding away, under this issue scared that it will ruin my chances at my dreams but what I should have been doing instead was working even harder so I could overcome it. I've been so so stupid. Hopefully I'll be less stupid in the future.
It's time for me to stop hiding and change my life for the better. The nature of my issue means it will be very hard for me, but it must be done. I refuse to wallow in failure and sadness forever.
If I have ever wronged you, please forgive me. If I have ever helped you, please pray for me or wish me well with this. And if you see my around, please tell me to do something productive instead of sitting in my pit of sadness lol.
Thank you all for being here for me and for bothering to read all that. You rock! :)
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood" - Marie Curie.
