Anyone can bring it

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Reeling with surprise as the 45-year-old dove behind cover and shouted out commands to his teammates, guests at local child Chase Williamson’s laser tag birthday party confirmed Thursday that they were not prepared for how hard his dad, Larry, was going to bring it. “I figured he was just going out to be a good sport and make Chase happy, but the second the starter buzzed, he charged out there like a man possessed,” said Chase’s older cousin Alex, who recounted seeing his uncle lure one 11-year-old into a trap with a feint before essentially executing him from behind. “He is normally so zoned out during these things, but he just went off with this wild look in his eye. I honestly had no idea he was so fast. When he was pushing kids out to flank my aunt, she seemed genuinely scared, but there was no mercy. I kinda don’t wanna go back out there again.” At press time, a dispassionate Williamson was silently eating a hot dog while watching his son open birthday presents.