I’ve been getting inbox messages asking me what my user name means:
Well for one I’m Kay
No Kay is not short for my REAL name.
Since I joined EP many years ago (idek how long ago) I was always tristemuñeca - Spanish for sad doll) that name derived from what my dad used to call me- his little sad doll or in Spanish “mi muñequita triste”
Since 2015 I’ve lost 5 pregnancies back to back (the most recent being an actual neonatal loss as my babies were born 2 days shy of 24 weeks and both were breathing and fought to survive- unfortunately that did not work out, but they’re at peace and not in pain) that occurred December of 2016.
I changed my name here because I felt I was labeling myself and sort of manifesting my own self destruction. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong, I felt like life was out of my hands and I had lost who I was as an individual. I forgot how to laugh and be happy through my pain.
I’m relearning how to do this I was so broken I really don’t understand how I’m still alive.
I’ve endured much loss, pain, suffering and it’s felt like my life was always spiraling out of control. From a very young age, adding to that that I practically raised myself.
My life may be fated - I’ve been told this many times in the weirdest of ways - but despite my life being fated it’s up to me how I react to those events.
It’s my path.
The person I am here is the person I am in real life SW is my escape but I’m also making real connections here. SW is a place I can have fun, make jokes - laugh with friends - talk about music, talk about life, family, kids, difficult mother - relationship issues etc... it’s also a place I can grieve freely, I’m more open with that here than I am in the real world - only because I’m surrounded by people who are uncomfortable with grief, they’ve never experienced anything remotely similar so they don’t know how to react and say some pretty stupid things (well intentioned but stupi nonetheless)
There’s no specific meaning or destination on “Kay’s Healing path” it’s just my path a winding road... I guess this also ties in to my post about grief it’s in my features.
No Kay is not short for my REAL name.
Since I joined EP many years ago (idek how long ago) I was always tristemuñeca - Spanish for sad doll) that name derived from what my dad used to call me- his little sad doll or in Spanish “mi muñequita triste”
Since 2015 I’ve lost 5 pregnancies back to back (the most recent being an actual neonatal loss as my babies were born 2 days shy of 24 weeks and both were breathing and fought to survive- unfortunately that did not work out, but they’re at peace and not in pain) that occurred December of 2016.
I changed my name here because I felt I was labeling myself and sort of manifesting my own self destruction. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong, I felt like life was out of my hands and I had lost who I was as an individual. I forgot how to laugh and be happy through my pain.
I’m relearning how to do this I was so broken I really don’t understand how I’m still alive.
I’ve endured much loss, pain, suffering and it’s felt like my life was always spiraling out of control. From a very young age, adding to that that I practically raised myself.
My life may be fated - I’ve been told this many times in the weirdest of ways - but despite my life being fated it’s up to me how I react to those events.
It’s my path.
The person I am here is the person I am in real life SW is my escape but I’m also making real connections here. SW is a place I can have fun, make jokes - laugh with friends - talk about music, talk about life, family, kids, difficult mother - relationship issues etc... it’s also a place I can grieve freely, I’m more open with that here than I am in the real world - only because I’m surrounded by people who are uncomfortable with grief, they’ve never experienced anything remotely similar so they don’t know how to react and say some pretty stupid things (well intentioned but stupi nonetheless)
There’s no specific meaning or destination on “Kay’s Healing path” it’s just my path a winding road... I guess this also ties in to my post about grief it’s in my features.
36-40, F
