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I feel like if I tell a therapist what I'm going through they will look at me weird...

I'm aware of what I'm going through but unable to stop it. Like I'm aware it's not normal. I got out of the shower about 20 minutes ago and looked in the mirror again. And can't recognize myself. It's disturbing. Its such a weird part of dissociation and depersonalization, I feel like I'm slipping back to how I used to be.

Therapist tried to diagnose me with DID(dissociative identity disorder) at one point because it was suspected, but I lied about the issues since I haven't had issues in a long time. I felt like why should I add something else to my PTSD diagnosis when I was doing fine for the time being?

I didn't consider myself to be applicable for it since I can still remember snippets at times(Not all the time). And the identities don't have different names. They have different appearances, personalities, and interests. and for the most part I haven't had to deal with giant memory lapses in a very long time(the biggest memory lapse was 1 year), so I just let it go I guess. But now that this has come up, I'm sort of connecting the dots a little.

Because it hasn't gone away like I thought and if anything I'm probably in some weird partial state because of stress. I've been kind of confused about it off and on because I just figured most people were like that until some friends pointed out it wasn't normal.And I'm kind of realizing its not normal as time goes on.

I feel different physically and see myself as them at the moment, but I'm still in control apart from feeling fogged up. It just feels really uncomfortable and unsettling. I would rather not be in control at all honestly because at least I wouldn't be aware of everything going on, including feeling out of my body. For the most part I will zone out and have an extreme vague memory of things I do, sometimes making big decisions or doing things I might not usually do.

When or if I'm in one I never really know until after, and sometimes it does affect my relationships. And sometimes I can be stuck in a state for several weeks, months, or at one point an entire year. Sometimes its a conscious decision to be someone else for a while being that sometimes there is a desire when stress comes around. Other times its just when I'm stressed out and I notice It will happen on its own.A lot of identity confusion.

I'm trying really hard to fight it though, because I haven't had to deal with it since I was probably 14 or 15. Unless I've had smaller sessions all along and just dont realize it. I've had blissful ignorance of everything for the most part
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John01 · M
I'd try not to worry if they look at you funny or not but just focus on if they can help you or not. 🙏
John01 · M
[@1191483,John01] Hang in there buddy, it sounds really tough. You're gonna be okay.✨
Novascel · M
[@1191483,John01] Thanks. Its pretty uncomfortable and kind of scary. I feel like most people cant understand how weird and scary is it, but I'm trying to manage.
John01 · M
[@332555,Novascel] Yeah must be scary all right, I can kind of imagine. You're welcome and stay strong and keep reaching out. It's good you're seeking the help. 🙏
gfantasy · 51-55, M
Remember therapists are trained to deal with all extreme "weird" situations. It's part of their job. That's why you talk about these things with a therapist and not with any random person, friend or relative...
gfantasy · 51-55, M
[@332555,Novascel] I get it, but also have in mind that therapists are ALSO trained to get information by other means than just relying on the patient's words... I can imagine it being VERY common that someone who goes to therapy has difficulty to express themselves logically and coherently... If someone is going through "a lot" it's only natural they'll have a hard time expressing themselves... The therapist will then guide you through, steer the conversation, focus on what's important... That's their job, not yours...
[@332555,Novascel] [quote] I guess its because I dont quite know how to put things into words, [/quote]

What I tell people all the time.... KEEP A JOURNAL AND WRITE IT DOWN. Then all you have to do at your appointment is read it to him/her and let them ask the appropriate questions based upon your journal entries.
Novascel · M
[@31253,Threepio] I guess Im just coming to the conclusion of what might be wrong.Lit today lol.
If I could give you one piece of advice it would be this:

NEVER SUGARCOAT YOUR ISSUES OR LIE ABOUT YOUR ISSUE TO YOUR THERAPIST.....

They are professionals that are paid to help you. Assist them by being truthful and let them do their job.

FYI: DID is a qualifying disability for purposes of SSI/SSDI ....
Novascel · M
[@31253,Threepio] I honestly just thought it was normal for the most part, and I think deep down I was afraid that she was going to make a false diagnosis based on the symptoms. And it hadn't bothered me in a long time. I just figured I had gender dysphoria, as well as just very bad dissociation and the forgetfulness was normal. As well as the shifts in behavior or thought.

 
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